Our small lives

Stayed home today even though was supposed to go meet Adriana and co. in the afternoon for her birthday. But we met last night so I guess it didn't matter much. Laziness and a headache got in my way. Argh I disappoint myself. But at the same time, I have loads to do, so better stop letting days slip leisurely by as I've been doing lately. Spent the afternoon finishing my CV. Hallelujah!!! As I shall be applying for a job at Centrecom next week, in my unwavering attempt to avoid the evil language schools. We'll see. Attempted to buy Werchter tickets online last Saturday, but am still waiting for the reply which confirms my success in said enterprise. Hope I managed! Because despite the fact I'm a non-camping wimp, I'm getting really excited about the whole thing! Moreover, I'm getting hooked on the Editors, who happen to be just one of the awesome folks playing there:D. This absolutely heart wrenching beautiful song is what I'm listening to something like six times a day at the moment.

Spent the weekend re-reading Heart of Darkness, which I have solemnly declared to myself to be my favourite book. Ever. I loved that book from the first time I read it, yet realised that my awe at it had not prevented me from inconveniently forgetting a lot of rather important details, which are expected in exams. And now, I fell in love with it all over again. You see, you read a lot of stuff, and you say this is really amazing, really good, really groundbreaking. Yet it's always special when you read a book you'd wanna keep reading forever, a book that really strikes a chord somewhere really deep in the recesses of your soul. Oh God, it makes me want to cry. Ah I'm such a child still discovering!!! A couple of weeks ago got really excited at table with my mum's aunt and cousin and my parents, when they were having a really serious conversation about the Belgian Congo. (My great-aunt lived in Africa for 50 years). I usually hate speaking about uni-related stuff with sensible fully adult people, because I'm so darn full of issues, but I was actually dying to say that Conrad wrote a book about the Belgian Congo! And it will change your life if you read it!!! Alas, they changed the subject before I came round to saying it. And that day, I realised something, apart from the fact that I love Conrad, and that I'm a social invalid, as my sis would say. I realised that our small lives, our ordinary lives, are made extraordinary or special by these 'small' things: books, plays, songs, and in an action as simple as quietly (read: not to impress or boast) mentioning these things to others, we are trying to assert that this seemingly meaningless existence, actually means something, that this humanity is not just a glorified animal, but something MORE. Which is why I think that a society which considers arts students as superfluous and a financial burden is unwittingly letting its own humanity slip through its fingers.

I'd been dying to write this, even though a gazillion people must have felt the same. Hope someone actually, you know, reads it!

take care,
lizzy
xxx

April

Sometimes I feel like life is this constant sinking of the heart. This constant delusion and dread at the same time, like you're shrinking from what awaits you and dismayed at what has happened already. Today found myself daydreaming about having written a great book, or short story at least, and found myself babbling away about it. At least in the process I got yet another vague, will-probably-lead-to-nothing idea about a possible thesis subjsct. Oh well, we'll see.

Weather just turned glorious. And I'm going to a rock festival in summer. Where there'll be Radiohead! And Sigur Ros! And the Babyshambles! and REM and Mika and the Editors and Lenny Kravitz and lots of cool people wihiiii!!! Hopefully Rain won't make an appearance though.

Exams timetable just came out. My exams are rather uncomfortably packed together, poor things, should get down to work, shouldn't I? They're packt like sardines in a crushed tin box. And yes that's the title of a Radiohead song!!! *Nerdy grin*

am off,
cookies and chocolates
Lizzy
xxx

Bleakness

wrote this a couple of days ago but didn't post:

I feel bleak. This is probably the first time this year I've felt like this. Nothing can cheer me up. I seem to be constantly moving in a current of flatness.

Granny died about a month ago. I just can't get myself to go back to the room we used to share. But she's in a much much better place now. At the end her health kept getting worse and worse. As my sister said she's now dispersed in the sunset.

Goodbye Granny xxx

An unceremonious declaration

Taking a small breather from assignmenting, which I must unceremoniously declare I am most tired of. Dear me, dear me, dear me I am tired. I've been studying and reading and studying and reading in a rather it-is-(really!)-exam-time mood since Boxing Day and I must say I need a break. My brain cells need a break, honestly!!! Yet, I have two assignments left to do. One of them is a massive 4000-word essay on literary theory, at which everyone in my class is rather bewildered. And the other is my last remaining 2 ECTS from first year, which I am now rather scared won't be awarded because I simply do not feel competent to write about Petrarch's influence on English sonnet sequences when I have never read any Petrarch, and I've barely skimmed through any sonnet sequences. God please help me, I'm treading most unfamiliar territory.

And... all I want to do is listen to the Arctic Monkeys. They're so coool!!! No wonder everyone was going berserk mentioning them in hi5 and facebook profiles, because they're really good. Even though as usual I suspect it has become a trend to like them, yet at least they're good, so maybe they deserve to have a trend whereby they are liked! You know what I like about them? They have a voice of their own, a 21st century voice! And they're soo young! A voice is all I want, to say something, do something, mine! yet something that also draws on the torrent of things that I've been exposed to, but mine! still mine! Ah, the bliss!

Anyhows, more importantly, This morning, a dear dear friend of mine, definitely one of my best and closest and oldest, whom I've known since I was eleven, left for London!!! Good luck Disirenn, if you're reading this. Life is beckoning :DDDD!!!

Must be off now!
Take care everybody and Happy Birthday Claire :D
xxxxx

psst psst: Listening to: Fluorescent Adolescent - the Arctic Monkeys

the hollow-men. and women.

Dear me, am feeling so troubled tonight. I just feel frustrated with people sometimes. Don't know what they want from me. I care about people I shouldn't give a damn about. It's the worst feeling in the world. Sometimes I feel I'm going nuts. I think so many stupid things that stupidity becomes a system of thought in its own right. The metaphysics of stupidity???

Have become addicted to the Arctic Monkeys. They were all the rage two years ago. I presume they still are. Even though the music industry forgets people pretty easily these days. But I still think they're very alive and kicking. I was reading about them yesterday. They were twenty (MY AGE BASICALLY) when they released their excessively successful and totally awesome debut album Whatever you say I am, that's what I am not. Dear me! And here I am sitting around, being a full time wimp with a tendency for irritating self-satisfaction. Dear me! How I would like to write a nice little song. And then I'd be so happy. I'd make people smile and feel good when they hear it while working on assignments.

Life: Something I need to get.

Listening to: When the Sun Goes Down: The Arctic Monkeys

wrong priorities

Am at university and waiting to leave for my German Circle lesson. I just went to a lecture with the first years, a lecture I'm not registered for but that I've been advised to attend cos it's important. And I've discovered another thing that REALLY irks me. People who have a stuffy obsession with the correct pronunciation. Ok, so this lecturer, who is rather new to the university, is delivering a really good lecture about the significance of Shakespeare. He makes a mistake in pronunciation, and the people behind me are laughing their heads off, riding on their ridiculous high horse, just because they caught him out in a mistake. Now, I'm not one to be a lecturer's pet and look up in awe at lecturers just because they're lecturers, but one has to give credit where it is due. This lecturer knows what he's talking about, and is articulating it most eloquently. Yes, ok, he is a lecturer of English. BUT he is Maltese, and like most Maltese, got most of his English through silent reading. So what if his accent is not exactly like the queen's? So what if he says 'rhetoric' not quite right? At least, he's insightful and intelligent, not like the silly people whose most important goal in life is to get the pronunciation right. No writer or artist has touched and moved entire generations of thinkers through his right pronunciation. Joseph Conrad, the Polish born author, had a notoriously bad pronunciation. Yet, he is one of the leading novelists of the twentieth century. You might argue, "but he's Polish". And we're Maltese. Aaaargh. Silly frivolous people. In 1984, George Orwell talks about "the neat handwriting of the illiterate". I think I know what he was talking about. I'd say "the correct pronunciation of the irrevocably dumb". Get. over. it.

Exams. finally. OVER.

Hello there, the exams are finally over!!! And even though I have three considerably taxing assignments, I must say I feel pretty free and floaty. I've been sleeping/wasting time all day long, and so I said, why not continue? Tonight I'm going to watch Elizabeth The Golden Age at the Tal-Lira cinemas with my uncle. I know they' ve said it's nowhere as uppaclass as the first one, but what can be so evil about a film which shares the name with yours truly and stars dearest most beloved Clive Owen (in tights!!! LOL) ? Anyways my reasons for writing this blog are getting slimmer and more depleted every minute, so maybe should put on some music for inspiration. Which brings me to this song, A Certain Romance by the Arctic Monkeys. I'd heard about this band and how absolutely awesome and up'n'happening they are, but being the lazy bum that I am I'd never bothered to listen. It was only a few days ago that I stumbled upon this lovely lovely song in my sister's playlist, and I haven't stopped listening to it ever since lol. And even the lyrics are nice wiii.

Anyhow, what else what else? Yesterday I went to dear old Paceville again after an absence of three long weeks. Must say that despite the fact that I'm pretty fed up of the place, it still has a kind of worn out, shabby, dusty allure. We went to Koyote and it was kind of funny. They were playing a lot of nightclub-by songs and it was kind of nice and pumping, if you know what I mean (don't worry I don't know what I mean either). Besides, I was ecstatic at finally being able to dress up nicely again, and apply make-up and wear lenses and be a young gal all over again after those never-ending days of 150%nerdism. Anyways, I think I'm out of inspiration now. Must say I'm quite looking forward to starting uni lectures again. I know I'm a hopeless nerd but it'll be nice to see everyone again and get back to good old normal life.

ps I've added to links to my dear friends' Andrea and Desiree's blogs, so check them out.

Till next time,
Take care and Happy Carnival
Liz
xxx