bunbury

"Within me a lunatic sings"

2008-12-06T11:49:00.004+01:00

Last night I stayed up late trying to collect myself, trying to gather my thoughts and wishes and reconcile them with reality. I kept trying to put myself in a frame of mind which could calm me down and get me out of this sea of restlessness, which would make me feel like I'm headed somewhere. Such a lofty aim was obviously doomed to failure, and it only led me to wake up with a dull headache and a cold sweat whenever I think of how much time I'm wasting just wondering and rambling. I'm scared shitless of my dissertation. This morning I tried to get started on a simple, short assignment of 1500 words and all I got was a rush of random, poorly developed ideas and a lot of fidgeting. I do not even want to think about having to sit down and actually write my dissertation.

And the evil door to door survey looms dark and menacing over our poor heads.

Sigur Ros make me want to run away from here and do my thing, which in my case would probably mean running around looking at other people's "things" and wondering why I wasn't the one doing them. Sigur Ros attest to the beauty within Man's soul. Honestly. I love them. And I wanna go to Iceland. Now!

Apparently the title of this song means: "Within me a lunatic sings"

:D

till next time
Liz
xx

2008-11-26T15:54:00.002+01:00

The more I try to be myself, the more I realise that I have nothing to say, there is nothing in me. The only place I see myself is in other people's words/music/images/whatever.

Am I doing too much comparative literature ?

Sunday night avoidance of work

2008-11-23T19:46:00.003+01:00

The most effective way of snuffing any small flicker of creative literary fire is to read for a degree in English. You just realise how obscenely untalented, mediocre and insignificant you are. No, T.S. Eliot I just ain't! This weekend was mostly spent being depressed while trying to keep myself from having violent thoughts resulting from the most inane and DEAD subject on the planet: Research Methods. The mere thought would scar even Kurtz for life, I tell you. Besides, I realised that when I look inside I find nothing, no opinions, no ideas, just a passive reception of others' greatness. Yet tonight I listened to the Arcade Fire album I bought yet again and something in me just started to soar. Dear me, I do love that band. I read a review of their album (Neon Bible) and the reviewer described them as dazzling. They can take you to the depths and make you soar all at the same time. Sigh. And their voices are just bewitching. They make your heart want to burn just for the sake of all that is beautiful in the world, however cheesy that may sound. I should be off to nurture a small desire of reading some thesis related criticism. Man, I feel I'm drowning in work- mostly ENDLESS READING- and I really really want to read everything they tell me to but I'm just too slow aargh!

BTW My job is bringing out the passionate side in me. I HATE it so much! Yes, even if its jst four hours a week. BLEHHHHHHHH And I'm certifiably crap at it, as the Quality Control I had today proved BLEHHHHH

Warning: This vidoe can lead to psychological dependence.

Till next time
Eliz
xxxxx :D

You' d better give me something, before I sputter out

2008-10-12T21:07:00.002+02:00

I used to love love this song when I was at secondary school. They used to play it on MTV New, which I used to watch religiously in order to maybe catch a glimpse of darling Radiohead:

I'm enjoying uni this year even though I'm swamped in work already. Most of my credits are really really interesting, except for Research Methods :(

Should be off to read a story called The Machine Stops by EM Forster. Sounds very full of sci fi and landscapes of white and grey metal. Shudders.

Liz
xxx

What is a marsh?

2008-10-06T23:36:00.000+02:00

The big shock for all the Maltese people who, like me, were Enid Blyton junkies when they were children, was that at one point they realised there is no Rubadub mansion, no wooden panelling behind which there is a secret passage, no scones at teatime (What are scones anyway?), no autumn leaves, no boarding schools, no policeman saying "Clear Orf!", no mist and marshes, no friends with an insurmountable urge to create a secret society with a secret password.

TV

2008-09-22T00:31:00.002+02:00

Today I realised that the only way to deal with disillusionment in a world deprived of heroes is to shut it out and watch TV on Youtube. It's what I did in my darkened room at twilight this evening. I felt so safe and blessed. I watched The Big Fat Quiz of the Year 2007. It was quite funny and kept me watching uploaded part after uploaded part. PV was fun yesterday but the urge to crawl inside my shell is still NOT negligible.

Important Expeditions

2008-09-20T12:07:00.002+02:00

Yesterday I was so depressed I went on a long expedition in search of Radiohead's In Rainbows in the evening, similar to the one I had undertaken around five years ago in order to buy Ok Computer.I was feeling rather sad so I figured an hour going round on a rickety old bus in the gray sticky weather with my mp3 headphones stuck into my ears would do no harm. All the shops in Valletta did not have it. One particular salesman acted as if he did not know it was their latest album, which probably means he did not know it is their latest album, which makes him rather.. um.. inappropriate for his own job. I'm not one to ride on a ridiculous high horse and think Radiohead are uber cool and everyone should like them BUT I do expect someone who works at a record shop to know that a band as famous as Radiohead released an album. Nyways, I had nothing better to do so caught the bus off to Baystreet. The salesman there was refreshingly more knowledgeable but this led him to purchase the last copy of the album himself, so I headed back home with the promise that more copies were on the way. As you might have realised, I'm going through a bit of lull in the business of making myself happy. I don't know if the cocktail of Conrad, Radiohead and The Dark Knight OST is to blame, but I'm more inclined to think of it as a symptom of my glaring inability to make my life mean anything. I feel so tired and lethargic all the time, and I'm fed up of the same old places. I realised that what I really wanna do after I finish my degree is go get a Masters in Britain, but that sounds like impossibly hard and expensive. Besides I do think I'm a bit too lazy to take my studies that notch higher. And I know that I'll still do bally naught with a Masters as regards employability, but at least I'll be specialising in what I love and living in another country for a while. But knowing me I just won't have the guts :(

Before I leave I have to show you this: This guy is 40 friggin years old. And he's more handsome than ever. AND he plays in one of the best bands ever! Why aren't there more like him?

Till next time

Liz
xx

Batmannnn!

2008-09-18T01:20:00.004+02:00

I was reading through some earlier posts and got an inexplicable urge to blog again, even though I doubt anyone reads this anymore. I have no idea how I'm going to go through life without marrying Christian Bale dressed up as Bruce Wayne (a.k.a guy behind the Bat mask). Italia Uno broadcast Batman Begins and I watched it for something like the fifth time if you count the times I rented it, and I did not get bored, not for one millisecond!

In other news, I've fallen in love with this song: Ceremony by New Order. It was on the Marie Antoinette soundtrack as well:)

pls excuse the crap video. There's also a Radiohead cover of the song which you can find among the related videos which appear after this vid ends.

I wish I could write more but it's one thirty and I need to go to sleep.

Much love
liz
xxx

"this beautiful never-ending... nothing"

2008-08-15T01:32:00.008+02:00

I just watched The Good Girl and I wept like a baby afterwards. It is such a sad little story about the impossibility of running away from one's utter loneliness, it is about delusion, disappointment and failure and sadness and tragedy and shattered dreams. What makes it so tragic is that it's the story of so many people. I also took the title of this entry from it. And then I went on IMDB to look the film up and read that assault charges against Christian Bale have been dropped. This made me smile and thus I realized that I am what is technically known as a loser.

Summer has been quite good so far. It started out with a blast. I, the undersigned, the undersigned wimp I might add, went to a rock festival. And I survived! Well almost, I wouldn't have without my sister's apartment to sleep in for two hours/ shower every early morning. I watched Radiohead play live in front of my bespectacled eyes and I still cannot believe it happened to me. My idols from my teenage years just a few metres away from me. Nine hours starving in the same spot took care of the short distance. They played for two hours, which amounts to practically a whole gig:) Just before Radiohead came on, I had the privilege to watch Sigur Ros play their ethereal heart-wrenching music at sunset, which amounts to quasi-perfection. My exhaustion prevents me from elaborating further on the festival and the other acts we were lucky enough to watch.

I started work at Centrecom and it's as soul-crushing as booking flights all shift long can be. But mastering the reservation system is quite a challenge, even if a terribly unstimulating one. But thankfully the environment is quite friendly and my shifts are usually not bad. I work four shifts a week usually but now I'll probably make it a point to reduce them so as to have more time to read up for my thesis. I've had this one single thesis idea tucked away in my mind since April and finally i plucked up the courage to go talk to Dr Callus about it and realized I hadn't improved on it since April. I already feel like a pretentious incompetent git for having had the guts to go talk to Callus when I'm so clueless. Time will tell.

I guess I'll have to leave now since I'm out of wordless music I can blog to. Just one word of advice to those who haven't yet had the good sense to watch The Dark Knight. It's amazing, haunting, visionary. I MEAN IT. I did not want to leave the cinema when it ended because I wanted to rewind it and watch it all over again. Yes. It's that good. Heath Ledger is perfect as the Joker. And Christian Bale is Christian Bale. Guess I should be off now. Had more to write but it just fizzled out into hazy drowsiness.

Liz
xxx

Radio waves

2008-06-24T18:48:00.003+02:00

You know, I love radios. They are so cool. The one in my room is a distinctly eighty-ish one: complete with ultra-stiff tuner and knobs the colour of fake dull silver. Very retro if you ask me. The cult indie crowd would love it I presume. What I love about radios is the idea of all these different disembodied voices coming into your drowsy little room and their absurd detachment and/or connection to your life. Last night I fell asleep to the voice of a guy on BBC radio, who was saying that the internet has led to the creation of an individual who is essentially alone and desperate. I love these adjectives of doom. Desperate. Alone. Don't they remind you of dear old Conrad? This afternoon two guys on XFM broadcast a really stupid jingle about the need for guys to test themselves for testicular cancer. Earlier on I heard an advert for Malta's very own High School Musical. Yes. Absolutely swell. Yet another way to celebrate mediocrity!!! Of all the stupid ideas. That insufferable show with that insufferable couple. Zac and Vanessa can put one off falling in love for years. It is bad. And then of course radios bring you the (mainstream) music of the age, which sometimes tends to be quite degenerate, but you do get the gems sometimes.

Anyway my point is that my exams are finished. As are my assignments and my German Circle exams. And it is only for this reason that I can go on rambling about radios till you are prone to end up murdering me. Anyways must be off to continue lazing drowsily about. Started work training with Centrecom. Will ramble about that some other time. Thanks to Andrea and co. for the lovely bag and top! Much Love! Isle of Mtv tomorrow! Let's learn all the Enrique/One Republic/ The Kooks lyrics by heart so we have good reason to scream:)

Till next time
Take care
liz

Numbness

2008-06-13T22:32:00.003+02:00

Lately I've tried to blog many times but always stopped halfway because of sheer apathy, or the fact I felt it was better to vegetate on the bed in the little free time I have. But tonight my boredom has numbed me into simply attempting to type it away. OK. Let me admit it. I've seen worse days. Today I studied Virginia Woolf and started the mighty Conrad, whom I absolutely LOVE. Yes, I know, I'm a total Philistine and I've only read Heart of Darkness and no Lord Jim. But I still LOVE him. The man has IT. That thing which makes him absolutely indispensable to humanity, that thing that makes a light bulb go pop in your head in a sleepy library on an even sleepier May afternoon.

Despite the utter awesomeness that is Conrad, I am totally and utterly exhausted. My mind feels like a squashed cheeselet on the sizzling tarmac of a Maltese August noon. So I'm watching lots and lots of Daria, which some girl for whom I should build a monument uploaded on youtube. You see, Daria is the still point of the turning mediocre world. As I had said in a previous entry, Daria is or was a completely, intelligent, witty, funny, lovable show on MTV, and how this station degenerated to showing stuff like 'jackass' and 'rob and big' and 'viva la bam' is a perversion humanity will sadly never fathom.

In other world-shattering news, I'm twenty. YES. And I still watched Mini Bugz today cos it was Griz's birthday. My June birthday was the usual i.e. I spent it studying. Actually I spent it reading a book for Postcolonial Novel this year. The book was quite enjoyable, especially considering its heroine had a fetish for hairy wrists. EEW! The presents I got were absolutely tops though, and Andrea and co. have promised theirs when the sound and fury is over (Haven't met An in ages :(). Much love to them of course! I got money from parents and Aunt Maryanne and Uncle Joe, which I will use for Werchter of course XD. I got a lovely dainty butterfly-shaped necklace from Deborah, a Keane live DVD and documentary from Claire and 'The Gum Thief' by Douglas Coupland from Miriam:) Thanks so much XD

Last Saturday was hilarious. Looking forward to normal LIFE now. And Werchter of course!!!! Please God let the sun shine for those 4 days.

I' ll leave you with Daria: Please watch these and your life will be better: It's the first and second part of one episode:

Cheese

2008-05-21T22:43:00.003+02:00

When taking short breaks from studying, i love watching Dawson's Creek (which according to me is one of the cringeworthiest series ever) episodes on Youtube and listening to all the cheesy lines. And then I love rewinding the cheesiest lines and listening to them again and cringing like there's no tomorrow. It makes me so happy. Some of the cheesiest lines I've heard so far:

"Your mother deserves a medal because she brought up the best boy ever."
"I'm the only guy in here who is with Audrey Hepburn." (when talking about Katie Holmes, the actress who wasn't even able to PRETEND she was remotely enjoying kissing the SHEER BEAUTY that is Christian Bale in Batman.)
Phrases such as "sexual theoretics, "acquiring genitalia", "your actions are articulating otherwise", "hormonal glitch" USED BY FIFTEEN YEAR OLDS IN DAY TO DAY CONVERSATIONS. Come off it!!!

More cheese and wackiness coming up soon hopefully!

till next time
take care
and

GOOD LUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Hate hate hate hate exams

2008-05-18T00:52:00.003+02:00

I just watched a whole two hours of a movie with Christian Bale in it. And I didn't enjoy it. Because I was all the time telling myself I was wasting time. I hate exams. I love normal days when you can go to sleep knowing that whatever you didn't manage to finish today will be finished tomorrow. I love normal days when you can sit in the sun and read a poem just for the sake of reading a poem. Aargh I HATE EXAMS. It doesn't exactly help that I was born bang on the 3rd of June, which means I'll spend my twentieth birthday studying Postcolonial novels. Joy.

The film I watched was The Prestige. I loved most of it but the last part was just quite lame. Whatever. Best thing is that I can sleep with Christian Bale in my head. All over my worried head. And yes I'm worried about other stuff besides exams. But yes they are too stupid to see the light of blogging day. *cries herself to sleep*

moan groan pfsah blah

Liz

This is called exam stress.

2008-05-15T00:39:00.003+02:00

This must be the coolest theme song ever. It's the nanananananana bit which gets me every time. I must learn how to sing it to perfection. I MUST.

Enjoy:D

Library air

2008-05-14T15:35:00.003+02:00

I've been thinking about how we go through life storing up these lovely little memories in our soul: songs, people's smiles, lines from poems or books, pictures, so that our soul has something to feed on when we have to trudge through the bleakness of, say, a Discourse Analysis write-up. Must continue.

banging gates

2008-05-10T14:06:00.002+02:00

After yesterday's outburst I had a good night's sleep. I dreamt about Prof Sciriha bullying me into telling her what the real word for a call centre is, and I also dreamt that a small cat had got into our house, but then it turned into a cheetah. I also dreamt something else but I forgot. Woke up to the sound of the wind banging one side of our gate into the other, but I must admit wind and white steely skies are great to study. I've given up on continuing the Sciriha write up today. I'll make myself do it in the library next week. At least there I do not have distractions. Just wanted to say that I'd been reading more than ever before exam period started, and am getting more excited about stuff than I'd been in years: books and films and similarly moving things. Just watched the first part of The Machinist but had to stop so as to study. Yesterday I found this: Kurtz reading TS Eliot's The Hollow Men. How genial is that?

"Waking alone
At the hour when we are
Trembling with tenderness
Lips that would kiss
Form prayers to broken stone."

elizabeth

evilness

2008-05-09T21:43:00.003+02:00

I have not the slightest idea what unspeakable evils I committed to deserve feeling like the pile of shit I am feeling like right now. I am trying to do the Sciriha write up and trying to deal with the guilt feelings of having wasted an evening but I just can't. All I can do is weep and listen to this Take That song. I know it's soppy but its utterly lovely so all the cynics should shut up. I'm sure none read my blog anyway.

Anyways I have nothing more substantial to say, except that I feel like a pile of shit. And the anger I'm feeling at the moment is inexplicable and evil evil evil. Mah dear but this song is so sweet.

end stupid blog

liz

A splinter of ice

2008-05-07T17:08:00.004+02:00

It's May and we all know what that means. The word bleakness, which used to be this vague fleeting sinking of the heart I got every now and then becomes a rather more concrete reality. Since basically all that awaits everyone for the next forty days are books, books, notes and notes. There's nothing particularly evil about books, mind you. It's just having to comment intelligently about them in essay form that can prove rather tricky. Today I realised I must be the worst parker and three point turner that ever crawled on the surface of the earth. I just do NOT get this stuff, and the twisted logic one must use to maneouvre it. And how is one supposed to be quick with one's hands while steering and slow with one's feet while maneouvring the clutch? I just can never soar to such heights of bodily co-ordination. I give up. At least a Beatles song came on the radio while I was driving. It's always heartening to see such remnants of humanity stuck around while driving in some unspeakably hideous place like the tunnels near the Junior College.

A few days ago I posted a blog about the amazing, marvellous, superb, brilliant, yes, brilliant, one of my favourite words in the whole of the English language, film that is CAPOTE. But I deleted it cos it just did not do the film justice. What. a. film. !!! It is basically about the story behind the writing of In Cold Blood, this "nonfiction novel", by Truman Capote. It is about art, and an artist's desire for recognition ("When I think how good my book can be, I can hardly breathe") , and how far he'll go in order to create great art, and the relationships he'll get caught up in. Philip Seymour Hoffman is just superb as Capote, and he transmits the complexity of this fascinating artist, who could have easily come across simply as a gay prima donna or else a completely clinical attention-seeking manipulator. Perry Smith, one of the murderers, will melt your heart and reduce it to a little seed (gungliena). I found myself utterly in love with him.

Anyways I got to be off to continue studying, Good luck to everyone.

Take care
liz
xxx

Is it just me?

2008-04-17T14:21:00.003+02:00

I picked up an edition of Q magazine I'd bought about a year ago and I wanted to start screaming and shrieking and stamping on it. Why is everyone so hell bent on being called indie and cool while at the same time paradoxically pretending they're laid back? why? why? why? Why can't people just give it their best shot at making some good music/cinema/theatre/whatever and get on with their lives? Ok maybe I'm becoming paranoid but it's true!!! I remember seeing a sketch on MTV about an MTV2 presenter, and the guy mimicking him said this: "Hello, My name is Gideon Yago. I'm so indie and cool. Take me seriously." Don't you ever get the feeling that everyone's whispering that under his breath? underneath those clothes which are so skilfully worn to give the impression that the person just couldn't care less? At least, if you're eager to please, for goodness' sake, just say so!!! It's perfectly natural! I like it when people like me and think I'm intelligent/cool/funny/whatever. There, I've said that. Now tell me why can't other people say so too? Ok, I do know quite a few genuinely nice people without such pressing self-image issues, and I'm very glad I do, but what the hell is wrong with everyone else??? Anyways, I should be off.

PS A classmate of mine mentioned this band with a very ridiculous name but some lovely songs. Quite worth your three minutes.

Till next time,
Liz
xxx

Our small lives

2008-04-13T18:46:00.003+02:00

Stayed home today even though was supposed to go meet Adriana and co. in the afternoon for her birthday. But we met last night so I guess it didn't matter much. Laziness and a headache got in my way. Argh I disappoint myself. But at the same time, I have loads to do, so better stop letting days slip leisurely by as I've been doing lately. Spent the afternoon finishing my CV. Hallelujah!!! As I shall be applying for a job at Centrecom next week, in my unwavering attempt to avoid the evil language schools. We'll see. Attempted to buy Werchter tickets online last Saturday, but am still waiting for the reply which confirms my success in said enterprise. Hope I managed! Because despite the fact I'm a non-camping wimp, I'm getting really excited about the whole thing! Moreover, I'm getting hooked on the Editors, who happen to be just one of the awesome folks playing there:D. This absolutely heart wrenching beautiful song is what I'm listening to something like six times a day at the moment.

Spent the weekend re-reading Heart of Darkness, which I have solemnly declared to myself to be my favourite book. Ever. I loved that book from the first time I read it, yet realised that my awe at it had not prevented me from inconveniently forgetting a lot of rather important details, which are expected in exams. And now, I fell in love with it all over again. You see, you read a lot of stuff, and you say this is really amazing, really good, really groundbreaking. Yet it's always special when you read a book you'd wanna keep reading forever, a book that really strikes a chord somewhere really deep in the recesses of your soul. Oh God, it makes me want to cry. Ah I'm such a child still discovering!!! A couple of weeks ago got really excited at table with my mum's aunt and cousin and my parents, when they were having a really serious conversation about the Belgian Congo. (My great-aunt lived in Africa for 50 years). I usually hate speaking about uni-related stuff with sensible fully adult people, because I'm so darn full of issues, but I was actually dying to say that Conrad wrote a book about the Belgian Congo! And it will change your life if you read it!!! Alas, they changed the subject before I came round to saying it. And that day, I realised something, apart from the fact that I love Conrad, and that I'm a social invalid, as my sis would say. I realised that our small lives, our ordinary lives, are made extraordinary or special by these 'small' things: books, plays, songs, and in an action as simple as quietly (read: not to impress or boast) mentioning these things to others, we are trying to assert that this seemingly meaningless existence, actually means something, that this humanity is not just a glorified animal, but something MORE. Which is why I think that a society which considers arts students as superfluous and a financial burden is unwittingly letting its own humanity slip through its fingers.

I'd been dying to write this, even though a gazillion people must have felt the same. Hope someone actually, you know, reads it!

take care,
lizzy
xxx

April

2008-04-02T17:37:00.004+02:00

Sometimes I feel like life is this constant sinking of the heart. This constant delusion and dread at the same time, like you're shrinking from what awaits you and dismayed at what has happened already. Today found myself daydreaming about having written a great book, or short story at least, and found myself babbling away about it. At least in the process I got yet another vague, will-probably-lead-to-nothing idea about a possible thesis subjsct. Oh well, we'll see.

Weather just turned glorious. And I'm going to a rock festival in summer. Where there'll be Radiohead! And Sigur Ros! And the Babyshambles! and REM and Mika and the Editors and Lenny Kravitz and lots of cool people wihiiii!!! Hopefully Rain won't make an appearance though.

Exams timetable just came out. My exams are rather uncomfortably packed together, poor things, should get down to work, shouldn't I? They're packt like sardines in a crushed tin box. And yes that's the title of a Radiohead song!!! *Nerdy grin*

am off,
cookies and chocolates
Lizzy
xxx

Bleakness

2008-03-31T13:56:00.000+02:00

wrote this a couple of days ago but didn't post:

I feel bleak. This is probably the first time this year I've felt like this. Nothing can cheer me up. I seem to be constantly moving in a current of flatness.

Granny died about a month ago. I just can't get myself to go back to the room we used to share. But she's in a much much better place now. At the end her health kept getting worse and worse. As my sister said she's now dispersed in the sunset.

Goodbye Granny xxx

An unceremonious declaration

2008-02-10T15:44:00.001+01:00

Taking a small breather from assignmenting, which I must unceremoniously declare I am most tired of. Dear me, dear me, dear me I am tired. I've been studying and reading and studying and reading in a rather it-is-(really!)-exam-time mood since Boxing Day and I must say I need a break. My brain cells need a break, honestly!!! Yet, I have two assignments left to do. One of them is a massive 4000-word essay on literary theory, at which everyone in my class is rather bewildered. And the other is my last remaining 2 ECTS from first year, which I am now rather scared won't be awarded because I simply do not feel competent to write about Petrarch's influence on English sonnet sequences when I have never read any Petrarch, and I've barely skimmed through any sonnet sequences. God please help me, I'm treading most unfamiliar territory.

And... all I want to do is listen to the Arctic Monkeys. They're so coool!!! No wonder everyone was going berserk mentioning them in hi5 and facebook profiles, because they're really good. Even though as usual I suspect it has become a trend to like them, yet at least they're good, so maybe they deserve to have a trend whereby they are liked! You know what I like about them? They have a voice of their own, a 21st century voice! And they're soo young! A voice is all I want, to say something, do something, mine! yet something that also draws on the torrent of things that I've been exposed to, but mine! still mine! Ah, the bliss!

Anyhows, more importantly, This morning, a dear dear friend of mine, definitely one of my best and closest and oldest, whom I've known since I was eleven, left for London!!! Good luck Disirenn, if you're reading this. Life is beckoning :DDDD!!!

Must be off now!
Take care everybody and Happy Birthday Claire :D
xxxxx

psst psst: Listening to: Fluorescent Adolescent - the Arctic Monkeys

the hollow-men. and women.

2008-02-08T00:10:00.000+01:00

Dear me, am feeling so troubled tonight. I just feel frustrated with people sometimes. Don't know what they want from me. I care about people I shouldn't give a damn about. It's the worst feeling in the world. Sometimes I feel I'm going nuts. I think so many stupid things that stupidity becomes a system of thought in its own right. The metaphysics of stupidity???

Have become addicted to the Arctic Monkeys. They were all the rage two years ago. I presume they still are. Even though the music industry forgets people pretty easily these days. But I still think they're very alive and kicking. I was reading about them yesterday. They were twenty (MY AGE BASICALLY) when they released their excessively successful and totally awesome debut album Whatever you say I am, that's what I am not. Dear me! And here I am sitting around, being a full time wimp with a tendency for irritating self-satisfaction. Dear me! How I would like to write a nice little song. And then I'd be so happy. I'd make people smile and feel good when they hear it while working on assignments.

Life: Something I need to get.

Listening to: When the Sun Goes Down: The Arctic Monkeys

wrong priorities

2008-02-07T16:12:00.000+01:00

Am at university and waiting to leave for my German Circle lesson. I just went to a lecture with the first years, a lecture I'm not registered for but that I've been advised to attend cos it's important. And I've discovered another thing that REALLY irks me. People who have a stuffy obsession with the correct pronunciation. Ok, so this lecturer, who is rather new to the university, is delivering a really good lecture about the significance of Shakespeare. He makes a mistake in pronunciation, and the people behind me are laughing their heads off, riding on their ridiculous high horse, just because they caught him out in a mistake. Now, I'm not one to be a lecturer's pet and look up in awe at lecturers just because they're lecturers, but one has to give credit where it is due. This lecturer knows what he's talking about, and is articulating it most eloquently. Yes, ok, he is a lecturer of English. BUT he is Maltese, and like most Maltese, got most of his English through silent reading. So what if his accent is not exactly like the queen's? So what if he says 'rhetoric' not quite right? At least, he's insightful and intelligent, not like the silly people whose most important goal in life is to get the pronunciation right. No writer or artist has touched and moved entire generations of thinkers through his right pronunciation. Joseph Conrad, the Polish born author, had a notoriously bad pronunciation. Yet, he is one of the leading novelists of the twentieth century. You might argue, "but he's Polish". And we're Maltese. Aaaargh. Silly frivolous people. In 1984, George Orwell talks about "the neat handwriting of the illiterate". I think I know what he was talking about. I'd say "the correct pronunciation of the irrevocably dumb". Get. over. it.

Exams. finally. OVER.

2008-02-03T18:16:00.000+01:00

Hello there, the exams are finally over!!! And even though I have three considerably taxing assignments, I must say I feel pretty free and floaty. I've been sleeping/wasting time all day long, and so I said, why not continue? Tonight I'm going to watch Elizabeth The Golden Age at the Tal-Lira cinemas with my uncle. I know they' ve said it's nowhere as uppaclass as the first one, but what can be so evil about a film which shares the name with yours truly and stars dearest most beloved Clive Owen (in tights!!! LOL) ? Anyways my reasons for writing this blog are getting slimmer and more depleted every minute, so maybe should put on some music for inspiration. Which brings me to this song, A Certain Romance by the Arctic Monkeys. I'd heard about this band and how absolutely awesome and up'n'happening they are, but being the lazy bum that I am I'd never bothered to listen. It was only a few days ago that I stumbled upon this lovely lovely song in my sister's playlist, and I haven't stopped listening to it ever since lol. And even the lyrics are nice wiii.

Anyhow, what else what else? Yesterday I went to dear old Paceville again after an absence of three long weeks. Must say that despite the fact that I'm pretty fed up of the place, it still has a kind of worn out, shabby, dusty allure. We went to Koyote and it was kind of funny. They were playing a lot of nightclub-by songs and it was kind of nice and pumping, if you know what I mean (don't worry I don't know what I mean either). Besides, I was ecstatic at finally being able to dress up nicely again, and apply make-up and wear lenses and be a young gal all over again after those never-ending days of 150%nerdism. Anyways, I think I'm out of inspiration now. Must say I'm quite looking forward to starting uni lectures again. I know I'm a hopeless nerd but it'll be nice to see everyone again and get back to good old normal life.

ps I've added to links to my dear friends' Andrea and Desiree's blogs, so check them out.

Till next time,
Take care and Happy Carnival
Liz
xxx

RIP Heath Ledger :(

2008-01-24T16:49:00.000+01:00

I still can't believe this young, talented, smart, handsome young actor is dead. Probably because of drugs. What a waste! I am truly saddened. Why? Why? Why? I will never forget his heart-wrenching performance in the beautiful Brokeback Mountain. He was such a wonderful actor. Goodbye Heath Ledger, and may you rest in peace.

Listening to: The Wings- Brokeback Mountain OST

ramble ramble

2008-01-20T23:32:00.001+01:00

Am trying the whole blogging with music on thing again. Failing miserably. Anyway won't write much cos I've had enough of looking at words all day long, however much i luv 'em little things. Exams start the day after tomorrow. A bit nervous of course but hopefully all will be ok. Please God.

Was wondering why pete doherty doesn't get clean once and for all. I used to think he was a stupid jerk but have been listening to some of his songs with the libertines and the babyshambles and I must say they are quite beautiful. He seems to be very poetical and it's not some pretentious pseudo-alternative (learnt a new word- from my sister!) junk that he writes. The songs have a very genuine effortless beauty about them actually. God I just do not know how to blog with music on!!! Am off!

Good luck for the exams
Liz
xxxx

Listening to: Babyshambles- I love you but you're green.

out of the bubble

2008-01-17T19:41:00.000+01:00

Have decided to crawl out of my little bubble of endless self-indulgence and look at the world around me and I was horrified. Last night I discovered that students AND PROFESSORS(!!!) at the Sapienza University in Rome protested because the Pope was going to speak at their University, apparently because they felt this threatened the secularism of the state. Ok, so I prevent one of the most important theologians of the 20th century from speaking at my university simply because he's the Pope and it would make the state look too religious (rather than secular). or some such Bullshit. What, indeed, is the world coming to? or what is it going back to? i should say. This question is not a question of whether you have faith in the Catholic religion, not even of whether you respect the Pope's status or not. This is a question of whether today's supposed intellectuals behave like intellectuals and listen to other people say what they have to say, hence widening their perspectives and engaging in civilized dialogue. There is nothing wrong with any religious leader speaking anywhere, let alone at a university, where everyone's supposed to be reasonable and longing to listen, be it the Dalai Lama or the Imamm or the Greek Patriarch or the Pope. Dear me, and this coming from one of the best universities in Europe. They should be ashamed. The decadence. I. am. appalled.

Exam time

2008-01-13T16:38:00.000+01:00

I am currently trying to do something which is rather difficult for such a dismal multi-tasker as I am: write a decent blog entry with music with words playing on in the background. These past few days I've been in a rather dreamy, melliferous mood. Yes, the fact that I am holed up with books ALL DAY LONG will result in the occasional burst of anachronistic vocabulary just for the sake of it. Everybody knows that one of the major perks that goes with the studying of English is the ability to sprinkle a blog with lovely glimmering words here and there, just for the kicks. Please note I am attempting to be humorous, or to "say a jowkh", as Achmed would put it. Dear me I really need to get out of the house.

Anyway, this dreamy mood has led me to overdose a little bit on lovely melodious (=melliferous) songs such as Christmas songs and totally soppy love songs. Right now I am listening to Christina Aguilera's lovely voice telling me to have a merry little Christmas. How utterly sweet. Studying is progressing quite well, though I am rather pressed for time, to put it mildly. But at least I've read the poems and plays and "what have you", as our dear ever-absent Victorian poetry lecturer seems to call all literature in general.

My social life is on hold now too so I do not have much else to report. Dear me I think I have just managed to write a blog entry with music on. I'm so utterly awesome. I had it in my mind to write so much more than I did but I just have to start teaching myself Browning, because our lecturer simply didn't. Yet another reason not to love Victorian literature.

Am off now, and since I'm awesome enough to have finally learnt the mindblowing method of writing blogs with music on, I'll add this Livejournal-esque feature: (The next step will be writing a DECENT blog with music on.)

listening to: Nat King Cole- Have yourself a merry little Christmas

Till next time,
take care and (for uni readers) Good Luck for the exams

BTW this is very cool: cool thingie

Liz
xxxxx

Not today

2008-01-03T23:56:00.001+01:00

I was supposed to write a major blog entry, shining with quivering drops of pure wisdom, to launch the new year, to promise myself I am gonna be better in every way, to promise myself I shall do my utmost so that this year turns out to be the best of my life.

Alas!

You find me rather sick and weak, with the red area around my nose and lips still...well..red.

I was also supposed to write an account of Christmas and NY, which were quite lovely actually.

Well,

not today.

Today all I could do was remember this depressive quote from 'The Family Reunion'
by T.S. Eliot:

"The world would be unendurable, if you were wide awake."

My brother just asked me when I start my exams. 'Tis depressing. I need to go to sleep.

Bye bye
xxxxx

And there she was ablogging again

2007-12-16T16:32:00.000+01:00

It's a bitterly cold Sunday afternoon. The kind where it's as if someone from up above is ordering you to curl up in bed and do your readings in the feeble light that envelopes your poor trembling body. The weather has been having some schizophrenia issues, as is quite usual, and it was rather sunny for a couple of hours. I was tempted to sleep but my conscience kept nagging me so I went on with the German book we have to read for the German Circle course i'm taking. We had the 'prize day' last Wednesday and it kind of made me feel guilty about how much I've been giving German the cold shoulder lately, especially since they awarded me a lovely book complete with full colour pictures weehey! It's something about Thomas Mann and his life. Hmmm sounds very uppaclass to me. They also gave us Gluehwein, which is basically mulled wine, and let me say it's the only wine I've ever tasted that I've actually enjoyed savouring, so that was uppaclass too. Anyways this book that I'm reading is called 'Der Schimmelreiter', which means the rider of a kind of horse called a Schimmel (don't ask. I don't know). It's about this dykemaster in a seemingly rather remote village in the north east of Germany, and it's a rather unfamiliar subject, but thankfully I'm getting on quite well. The secret is this: Forget the dictionary. You don't have to understand everything. Otherwise you'll never manage to finish the book and, even if you do, you'll have died of dictionary- induced boredom beforehand, so you won't finish it in any case.

In other news, today I wrote a poem. I think it's the second one after the first I wrote eight years ago. Wow at this rate of production I shall soon be elected Poet Laureate. I presume it could very well be epic crap (and no it's not an epic) yet I am still rather filled with glee at the whole affair. I even tried to work a little with technique (big word about which I hardly know anything but anyways): I even tried to do something with the rhyme and even counted the syllables of a line that sounded epically crap to see how I could change it. I had no idea what on earth I was doing but I still thoroughly luurved the feeling. Gotta start doing it a bit oftener than once every eight years.

A few minutes ago I saw a rainbow yet now it's getting dark and the sky has turned a stern and forboding steely grey. Do you know that this is the darkest week of the year, leading up to the shortest day ie the winter solstice ie 21st December? I think I'm right. In other updates, yesterday was an enjoyable night out despite the cold and the stupid argument with dear Desiree. I hadn't spent time with dear sweet Claire for quite a while, and hence it was well worth the seemingly sub-Alaskan temperatures and the lame Pacevillian spots :)

Lastly: I'd like to congratulate Salt, of whom my brother is the uppaclass bassist, for winning the best Newcomer BMA, and deservedly too! To check out their music go to http://www.myspace.com/saltsound

Post-lastly: Radiohead have a new album out! It's been out online for a while: and I have absolutely fallen in love with this song. Exquisite!

That's all for now. Hope you are having a lovely Christmas season.
Take care,
Lizzy
xxx

The Uppaclass Song

2007-12-09T18:32:00.000+01:00

Even though this song is not called the Uppaclass Song, I still deemed it most suitable to grace the (web)pages of this noble endeavour, this instant of quintessential uppaclassness that is this weblog. For all those who do not have the luck to be very closely acquainted with me, Uppaclassness is a term coined by yours truly, which is derived from the commonly used phrase upper class. This term was found most fit to describe every aspect that has any remote connection to yours truly ,who happens to be Uppaclassness Personified. And now onto our (yes it's the royal we!) first attempt to embed a video. God help us, or our uppaclassness shall be shattered immediately!

Oh dear, said video refuses to be uploaded. So here's the link: The Sophistication Song by Hugh Laurie

Enjoyy
Liz
xxx

Flitting randomness

2007-12-05T19:32:00.000+01:00

I've been trying to avoid the glaring fact that I did not come home so unspeakably late from work and I should try to squeeze in some reading for almost an hour now, yet I am so tired. I haven't blogged for almost a month but I do not know what I should write. Thoughts flit about in my head all day long but then when it comes to writing a substantial and coherent blog, I find myself at a loss. Now my best friend is online, which means my shortcomings in the multi-tasking department are now on full display: the quality of my blog is suffering in a most terrible manner. I'm trying to think of something I could write to send it in , maybe they'd consider it for the possibly, hopefully, soon to materialize DESA publication. DESA is short for Department of English Students Association, which has been launched very recently. I'm really happy we finally have some people who are trying to make us feel more at home in our course, and I'd like to contribute, even if just a little bit. hmm let's see if I come up with something at least remotely interesting...

Today was a cold bright day, the kind of weather I absolutely love. After work I had one of those comically unfortunate moments. I waited for the bus on the dull grey San Gwannian pavement, looking longingly at the colourful but deserted swings for a full half hour, which for a person overwhelmed by her own uppa' classness is most unacceptable and abominable. I was understandably bored, and so I decided to walk a little to see whether the bus would finally grace the mediocre road with its mediocre presence. Alas! The bus came rattling furiously along the mediocre street just then and even though I gave my athletic all, I did not manage to catch it. Hence I simply decided to walk to university and for once I did not get lost and/or risk my life, even though it's not exactly the most idyllic ramble imaginable.

Some more randomness: I have today rediscovered the Sugababes. You know, they're actually GOOD. I think they're very up n' happening, as my sister would say. Good intelligent pop for the 21st century. This was their very first song. I don't know if it was the 21st century yet when it was released, yet it struck me as being of a quite uppa' class nature.

I'm off now, to have a bath and maybe, just maybe, do sumfing of an academic nature.
Till next time,
take care and enjoy the Christmas fever
Liz
xxx

Uni-less blog attempt 2

2007-11-11T12:06:00.001+01:00

Does anyone know how you can transfer everything to the new email account? I know you can transfer the contacts etc but can you transfer the blog? as an archive in a new url or something? I hate having two accounts. My brain cells are already scattered all over the place as things are. Oh God who's gonna comment anyway?

Yesterday I watched TWO emo couples smooching rather ungracefully on the bus. It put me off love for a while.

I have just seen one of the most cringeworthy covers ever. Malta's very own national icon of pre-pubescent pretentiousness, Sophie, covering one of the most cringeworthy and absurd songs to ever pollute the radiowaves- Fergalicious by Fergie. And you haven't heard the worst part yet. She turned it into Sophalicious!!!!! Atrocities of three hundred and sixty degrees' eye-rolling extent!!! Suddenly I'm so happy I was a frizzy-haired nerd when I was young.

uni-less blog attempt 1

2007-11-11T00:03:00.000+01:00

I have not updated this thing in ages cos I have had the most treacherous thoughts against it. I recently got me a new google account. Bunbury09 did not seem professional enough in my dealings with the university so I had to get an email address that sounded serious- so I got me elgalea. With elgalea came a new account which was separate from the one to which this blog pertains, so my loyalty was tested haha. But here I am again, so much has happened. My sister spread her wings and flew to Brussels and I do not know when she'll be back to her beloved island in the sun. She took my laptop with her- and i do not miss the poor thing (the laptop I mean, not my sister) so much because it was a rather functional relationship that we had. Now I have my sister's computer instead. It is incredibly slow but its clumsiness is somehow endearing, and reminds me of someone....hint,hint... hinting at myself if you haven't noticed.

A friend dared me to write an entry without mentioning uni and this obviously put a total nerd like me at a loss. But let's talk about work. I'm working twice a week proofreading and subbing at a newspaper. It's a nice job cos it's rather interesting and it's in a quiet office with civilised people rather than in a wild classroom with sex-crazed foreigners with strangely comical accents. Moreover, I only go in twice a week so I can still manage to be a full-time student (i HAD to mention uni!). On Saturdays I'm alone downstairs except for my dear boss (if you could call her so, she's so sweet!) who comes at some point in the morning/afternoon. I love mumbling and muttering a commentary to the press releases on the computer screen rather than delivering a lesson. I'm so happy that I chose to abandon teaching- It is quite irreconcilable with my character, for want of a better word.

Going out is not so high on my list lately cos I've had it up to here with Paceville- th smell of wine, the same songs over and over again, the never-ending waiting for the flippin' vans and taxis, the angry woman at wembley's, the .. aargh never mind.. I've just had enough. Which sucks because I'm an abysmal driver and I won't get my licence anytime soon. I did manage to skip pv for three weekends though. One weekend we watched Atonement, the next we dined at Marsaxlokk for Demelsa's birthday and this one I stayed at home. Call me old, but I was looking forward to it. I know I'm a rather boring friend to have at the moment but I think Claire and Desiree went out anyway so that's good.

Signing off now because I have some important stuff to finish before I travel to the Land of Nod. And ps, I have to mention uni to say- I'm really really happy with my course. wiiiii

Take care

Lizzy

And it's official!!!

2007-10-28T01:13:00.000+02:00

I'm in second year!!! As an Honours student in English!!! I am so happy!!! Will obviously still be conditional until I get what I need- which, being a minimum of a compensated pass in the missing 4 credits I have, won't be that hard hehe!

I am so grateful! I was literally trying to restrain my beaming and grinning in the Dean's office last Friday. :D :D Life can sometimes be rosy too.

:D :D :D

How many smileys can I put in this blog without making it look dumb?

Today was a lovely day. I spent the afternoon deciding exactly what study-units I shall be taking and this process, though rather stressful and mind-boggling, just made me even happier, since it made the good news truly sink in.

And so that's it- no more rants about dreading teaching and detesting Educational Theory. No more trudging through a course I can't stand. Now I'm following the only course I ever really wanted to follow. I hope everything will turn out ok:)

Today I also rediscovered the joy of cycling. I hadn't riden for about 3 or 4 years and finally I mounted my brother's mountain bike (I've outgrown my Raleigh). At first I was very very wobbly, clumsy and shaky but then I started to really enjoy it. I revelled in the sensation of freedom and quiet solitude and rode to Bormla and back. I still have not figured out how to use the gears though and this gave me a few problems on a couple of slopes ( Yeah, Fgura is very hilly and green and all that). Besides, I also acquired my first sports 'injury'- may I be so pertinent as to reveal that my derriere still hurts? hehe, it does. I'm so proud of myself. I shall be named Sportswoman of the year for sure. I definitely plan on repeating this every weekend. Lance Armstrong need not worry too much though- I do not intend to dominate the Tour de France just yet. Oh wait, I think Mr. Armstrong has retired. Which makes that attempt at humour outdated. Sigh.

I have to sign off now, because the next few days are going to be rather hectic. Excuse the fragmented nature of this blog but I do not lie when I say that I am busy.

ps 1 Watch Atonement- powerful, beautifully photographed, scripted, acted, edited, directed, scored (??? what kinf of word is this???)- you get my drift- this film is seriously beautiful and I hope it shall be duly rewarded come awards time.

ps 2 My current theme song is 'I want to ride my bicycle' by Queen. :D :D :D... yes, more smileys.

ps 3 My brother's blog is very interesting for anyone interested in marketing, advertising, the works.

ps 4 My sister's blog has a nice poem in it.

ps 5 Go read them:)

Till next time,
take care
Liz
xxx

Stormy night

2007-10-21T23:30:00.000+02:00

More rain. And thunder. and lightning. I wish I could write a lot today- So much is passing through the corridors of my brain, yet I do not have much time. I still have to read a few pages for my German literature lecture tomorrow. We're starting the Romantik which, believe it or not, means Romanticism in English!!! Now I shall feel so smug and smart just because we already studied Romanticism in English, and I'll have this infantile urge to butt in whenever our lecturer asks us something, but I won't fall for this urge, because it's infantile, cringeworthy and stupid. The worst thing that can befall those who study ANYTHING is that they feel they know a lot, which they don't. With Literature the temptation is even bigger, since literature makes people feel cool and artistic, a cut above the rest. The thing that most people fail to notice is that it is not how many writers and film directors you can squeeze into your hi5 profile, it is not how knowledgeable you are, but how much you can truly distinguish quality from mediocrity, and how humbly you can ultimately admit to your own glaring limits that truly matters. I'm not saying I do not sometimes stumble into this trap, but i try to avoid it like the plague.

Dad just said that it shall rain a lot tomorrow, which means I'll wear my new boots. Yes, I managed to find even nicer ones than the aforementioned elusive pair! Peacocks is turning out to be rather awesome shoe-wise, I must say. However, in spite of the excitement about the gorgeous boots, I'd prefer sun any day. October sun is so kind.

In other, more important news, I finally have a definite date for the confirmation regarding my course (ref. earlier posts). Next Thursday Senate will decide. And yes, I am level-headed enough to know they're not meeting for my sake, but just because it happens that they're scheduled to meet. According to the Dean, I have a strong argument, since I almost have the 65% needed even with 4 ECTS missing, let alone with them. Yet I can only pray and hope for the best. If the worst comes to the worst, I'll be a part-time first year by next week, looking for a job and feeling useless and unemployed. Yes, because if I am relegated to first year, my workload will be three lectures a week, since I've done practically everything already. Aargh. We shall see. Please God please. I want this course. I truly do.

PS At the moment I'm reading 'A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man' by James Joyce and it makes me want to weep. It's so good. so very good. One just knows this man's not bluffing and blabbering. Perceptive and focused. A true artist. Lucky him.

ps 2 I am rediscovering Travis' 'The Man Who'. Travis were the first real band I liked after thankfully recovering from my Westlife/ Backstreet Boys phase, and listening to them obviously comes with a lot of nostalgia. Yet, it is not merely nostalgia. They were really good in a very simple, genuine and earnest way, and they also had the much-yearned for dose of wistfulness. Exquisite. Here's a sweet taste: lovely lovely song called Driftwood

I truly wish I could have written a less hurried and fragmented post yet it's very late, and I have lectures till seven tomorrow so I need to get some sleep.

Is this my idea of a short, quick entry? I need a course in summarizing :D. I enjoy this blogging thing soo much- self-centred little brat that I am!

Really off now,

Take care,
Liz
xxxx

Rain

2007-10-18T00:12:00.000+02:00

I love watching the rain,
And the way it glistens on the window pane.

OMG OMG that actually rhymes!!! I can actually claim, with an irrepressible grin stretching from one side of my face to the other, like one of my nicer, more polite Italian students once did, that:

I IZ GENIUS IN ENGLISH!!!

Yes, notice the irony contained so neatly in the grammatical mistake shown above. Wish all my students were at least half as nice. Alas, they weren't.

PS do not worry, I know I iz not genius in English. I iz only genius in everything!

Just kidding:D

Till next time,
take care
Lizzy

Sugar!

2007-10-16T22:36:00.000+02:00

I had a bad day today. Six lectures one straight after the other, four of which were in the same room and all German, which made me harbour rather violent feelings towards the younger Elizabeth who insisted on loving the teutonic tongue so blindly. And my throat felt like two cavernous holes- it was so terribly swollen. I'm trying to blog with this song in the background so I might not be so fluent. Who said that women are great at multi-tasking? I have no idea how to do anything much with music on. Whenever I'm blogging or chatting with music on, I run a rather high risk of typing the words of the song rather than my own words of wisdom, which of course might lead to great rebellions by the reading throngs, who so want to read MY words. In fact the song finished now and I'm not playing any more. Don't want to risk the wrath of the mob. It's this brilliant cover Radiohead did of Carly Simon's 'Nobody Does it Better'. I know the two seem rather incongruent but RH pulled it off brilliantly as usual. Those guys are so good at what they do. They earnestly work hard and strive for excellence. Rare species. Yet they do seem to overthink things sometimes. They seem to have an existential crisis after every album they release. Or maybe they just take a long holiday in the sun and forget their Britishness after every album. Perhaps that's why they take so long.

Lately I have been blogging with less ardour because I do not find the energy to write good blogs which have a point anymore. I just write that I did this, and then that, and then that and then nothing else. Then again, that's what I always wrote. I shall sleep soon. I have to wake up and read read read tomorrow. But it doesn't matter because I'm so happy in this course. I'll be happier if they confirm though. They phoned from the Registry today to check which lectures I am attending. They know about me, they said. Sugar!( as Ms. Bagley likes to say) Ms. Bagley is my phonetics and phonology lecturer and she is one of the sweetest lecturers ever. She sends emails with such nice little messages attached to them: "I am afraid that I need to postpone today’s lecture in the afternoon as my respiratory system is under siege by alien bodies fondly known as ‘bugs’, and phonation is seriously compromised"

She has such joie de vivre :D, something her area of specialization seems to seriously lack.

I would also like to announce that Fry and Laurie have made their way into my dreams with the stellar "There ain't but one way". I actually dreamt about them and I could hear the song in the dream, with a country setting and all! woohoo! or should I say 'Sugar!' According to Desiree, I officially have psychological disturbances. Alas, genius will always be misunderstood ;p

I have to go now, moping and lamenting the loss of a heavenly pair of boots from Peacocks- they did not have my size- even my feet are common! I needed those boots so badly! Grrr!

BTW I put up a link to my brother's blog. It's not about his personal life in the shadow of his mighty sister Liz, but it's about advertising, and it's a joint venture with a friend of his, Janice. Check it out!

Am off now, because my sister is whining insufferably about losing her Revlon lipliner, and because I am looking forward to my first long sleep in what feels like centuries. No uni tomorrow. I'll read read read, so maybe one day I'll shove something into this little mind :D

Till next time,
take care

Lizzy
xxx

Should be off to sleep

2007-10-11T23:52:00.000+02:00

I have just been eating the most heavenly tiny tub of strawberry yoghurt ever. I now know what I shall say if I ever become famous for something and they ask me one of those silly questions like "What do you want your last meal on Earth to be?". I want it to be standing in the kitchen at midnight eating unassuming, simple, wholesome ice cold strawberry yoghurt WITHOUT actual pieces of strawberry.

I'm happy these days. Sometimes restless, sometimes scared, sometimes longing stupidly and impossibly for impossible things, yet I'm happy. Today Dr. Callus saw me in the corridor and asked me how I was doing, and told me to go talk to him in his office tomorrow, just to keep him updated with my situation. It was very kind of him. I hope everything shall be okay. I'm really really happy in B.A. English. It's just worth the hard work. I hope they'll let me stay in second year, even though I seem to have acquired a calmness that is astounding me and I've quit worrying about the whole thing.

I shall sign off now, not a particularly remarkable blog, but I just felt like writing something down. And this song reminds me of when I was around fourteen and used to dream of having perfect days and walks in the parks with some great guy I was madly in love with. Dear me, I think I still dream that. Don't know what's with this video though. Lots of shoes.

Till next time
Take care
Lizzy

Pardon the restless girl.

2007-10-10T23:58:00.000+02:00

I obviously did not manage to write a short blog. I read a lot of blogs. Yes, I know, I need a life! But blogs are interesting. They say a lot about what people want to be. We all want to be as interesting and well-written as our blogs. We write them in English, like the books we have grown up reading, so that our life seems like a book, reads like an interesting little story, with characters, events and ideas worth mentioning. But real life can be dull. It is usually lived in short, snappy sentences rather than long pretty ones. I was so restless tonight. I signed off MSN quite a while ago, saying I'll be off to sleep, but I just can't. I'm so restless, excitable. I'm still not 100% sure as regards whether I'm first or second year. When all seemed lost, and I was ready to repeat everything, I talked to Dr.Callus and he took me to the Dean, who turned out to be very very helpful! Apparently my grades are good enough to get me into Honours as a sort of conditional student. All I need is a compensated pass in the 4 ects I did not do, since they weren't part of the Education course, and I'll have enough. Hopefully I'll get more than a compensated pass though:). The Dean is sure that Mr.Registrar will let me, as long as I do the German general programme, just in case I fail those 4 ects. In the meantime, I am attending both the English Honours lectures and the German General ones, as well as the first year lectures that I missed, and thankfully I'm managing without too many clashes. Hope for the best. Dear me, writing about uni procedures is the most boring past-time that ever existed this side of planet Ganzwiliomsa. At least, I got that cleared. Doesn't it give you a warm glow that your blog readers know the ambivalence in which your university affairs lie? Especially knowing that if they are not Arts students, they probably still have no idea what you're mumbling on and on about.

Ehh. I started writing this blog tonight because writing is probably the only thing in the world that calms me down, that makes me reconcile my daily day-dreams with everyday reality. I love it so much. Yet I seem to be able to get nothing out of it other than endless journals. Whenever I try to write a story, there's always this big clumsy obstacle in the middle, and that's me. There's just too much Elizabeth in whatever Elizabeth writes. Yes, you might think it impossible that there's such a thing as too much of something as awesome as Elizabeth, but yes there is;p.

Oh Dear I've ended up questioning the motives of this blog. Why do I write this? I've ended up blogging about blogging.

'Tis sad.

Btw My brother is soon debuting in the blogosphere. His blog is going to be a funkeh, high-tech affair for sure. I'll link to it as soon as I have the URL.

Keane were named after a Tennyson poem, 'The Lotus-Eaters', before they changed to Keane. How sweet is that?

Till next time,
Lizzy

A little present cos of crappy post : Dido again

Random blog

2007-10-07T17:18:00.000+02:00

I've dared myself to write a short blog, just like those blogs belonging to people who have a life

A big gaping hole

2007-09-30T00:30:00.000+02:00

Sometimes it feels like there is a big gaping hole where my life should be. Generally, I'm not sad, mind you, but I spend the major part of my life thinking about the past and dreaming about the future, rather than actually living. Maybe that is why I find it difficult to go to bed and simply lie down to sleep at night- because I want to stay up waiting for life to start. Hmm, which is why I find the title of Keane's first album "Hopes and Fears" more significant than it might seem at face value. The title probably refers to the fact that the album is mostly about their hopes and fears. Obvious enough. However, I like to understand that they felt that their lives had not started yet- they were still enveloped in what they wished for and what they feared- rather than in living that big big thing- Real Life. In fact there are various references to feeling like they're "disappearing" and "fading away" as well as to "aching, waiting for life to start".

Will Real Life ever start? Or is this Real Life? Whiling away the time and trying to cheer myself up by attempting to set up a Hi5 playlist while joking with a dear friend on MSN on a Saturday night in September? Yep, last weekend of the summer holidays and I stayed in. Was too unmotivated to leave the house. But it's no big deal, there will be plenty of time to go out. These past few days my mood had been steadily regressing. Probably it's the fact that I still do not know whether I'll be a first or second year student. At first, they said no but, apparently, now this 'no' has turned into a pending request. At this point you might be thinking that I should actually be hopeful, but there are too many obscure regulations sprouting up all over the place for me to be positive about them letting a former Education student into the second year of the Arts Honours course, despite the fact that I only have 4 measly ECTS credits missing, and a good average (thank God for that). Ah we shall see!

Despite the fact that I have been the proud and loving owner of this laptop for seven months now, (7 months, 1 week and 1 day to be exact- Dear me I need a life!), it is only now that it passed through my dear little head that I can actually watch dvds in the silence of my bedroom, rather than in the computer room/study, which I share with my statistician-brother, and which is in dire need of a door! I've watched a couple of Clive Owen films already *broad smile* and was planning to watch 'One Hour Photo' tonight but, on second thoughts, I did not think that watching a harrowing drama about a man who wishes he had a life was a good idea after I managed to cheer myself up with a little help from Claire (the laughs) and Hi5 (the playlist).

My mood tonight is quietly yet hopelessly romantic and I cannot stop listening to 'Don't Leave Home' by Dido. I wish Dido would roll up her sleeves and release a worthy follow-up to No Angel. I used to love her back then, and I think this song was on that album. I have read some comments that it is not actually a love song, but a song about drug addiction, and some lines do hint at this e.g. " You won't need other friends anymore" and "I'll make you weaker". In any case, the melody and the refrain are heart-wrenchingly beautiful and shamelessly romantic. And, frankly, we listeners are free to interpret it as we like. Wish someone would sing that to me, or hum it at least, to avoid the drug-related connotations.

Last thing I shall do today is sing the praises of Mira Nair, whose film 'The Namesake' I watched, and loved, last Tuesday! Please do try and get hold of this film and watch it! I shall try to post a review in my next entry, which for a change would be useful, since I believe not much has been written in the Maltese press about it. I loved it so much I have lovingly given it another name- 'The Great Journey of Gogol Ganguly'. Problem is, I am finding it hard to articulate what is so great about it. But I have to talk about it!

Till next time,
I hope you shall be in the receipt of an enjoyableness (I warn that I shall reuse this sentence ad nauseum)

Lizzy
xxxx

A Single Girl's Viewpoint

2007-09-25T12:37:00.000+02:00

-Is there any critical standpoint yet devised by which your love life is any distance from being of a clearly non-existent nature?

-No. None whatsoever.

You might be inquiring as to the whyness of such an exchange appearing on my blog. Yet I do confess that such elaborate speakingness is not wholly original. Anyone wishing to seek the inspiration behind such an odd little entry should assume the seatedness of his posture and watch this brilliant sketch. You might also want to refer to this sketch, to which I had posted a link a while back.

I hope you shall be in receipt of an enjoyableness until the next time I write.

Elizabeth
xxxx

It was dark this morning.

2007-09-25T12:23:00.000+02:00

I found nothing to do this rainy morning. I tried to revel in the atmosphere by listening to a lot of British music (no prizes for guessing the type) but the time stretched too long, so I sat myself down to write. Yes, not to read but to write. I am still trying to run before I have walked enough. Words are a luxury that cannot be utilised too carefully. There are so many. An endless well of pretty little symbols. However, just like wine, they can get you drunk. Too many words that make too little sense. I do not simply want to be a craftsman (or craftsperson, or craftswoman) - someone who can simply write the language well. I want to be an artist. Haha. But how can I say that without risking falling flat on my face? It is not worth the risk.

Back from Berlin!

2007-09-23T12:16:00.000+02:00

I went to Berlin! And I'm back! What a trip it was! I myself had been skeptic about the German capital. I went to Berlin! And I'm back! What a trip it was! I myself had been skeptic about the German capital. Yet I had been wrong. Everybody told me there is quite a handful of other German cities which are prettier, more beautiful, quainter and more fun. Berlin is an odd city. In WWII most of the buildings were bombed and so they had to be rebuilt, either in their old style or in a completely new one. When I was telling my sister, she reminded me of the scene in the film 'The Downfall', which we'd watched some time ago, where as the war is drawing to an end, the Germans throw thousands of books and documents out of the windows of an important building. Only God knows how much valuable knowledge and ideas were lost in the war- like little nuggets of history and civilization thrown in a raging volcano. That scene with the sheets of paper raining down and the bombs going off in the background perfectly embodied the way humanity itself destroys its own achievements of learning and thinking.

As in many cities, the old and the new sit side by side, yet in Berlin this somehow seemed even more obvious. In the Kurfurstendamm, which is one of the most important streets of the capital, the ruins of the beautiful Gedachtniskirche lie adjacent to the new Gedaechtniskirche whose minimal, urban, hexagonal exterior constrasts effectively with the ethereal, beautiful interior, in which there is a lush luxury of bluish light, created by the stained glass.

The most beautiful street in Berlin is Unter den Linden (Under the Lime Trees)- even its name has a nice ring to it- which is lined with one beautiful building after another, including the Humboldt University, the Neue Wache (New Guardhouse?) and the former Zeughaus, which now serves as the beautiful German History Museum. This museum was my favourite of them all. It showcases German history from BC up till the re-unification 17 years ago. There are all sorts of artefacts from every period- furniture, cutlery, paintings, bells, knights' armour, tapestries, books (including Luther's bible), sculptures, old cars and motorbikes, tapes and videos of Hitler's propaganda campaigns and speeches, posters, an original Chanel dress (note the feminine fashionable touch here), pieces of the Berlin wall with graffiti and countless other things. It was definitely very enlightening for three students of German like us.

Another highlight was dining in the revolving 'Telecafe' in the big globe at the top of the TV tower. A thousand thanks to Deborah's parents for giving us this experience. The twinkling lights of Berlin sprawled out underneath us made for a lovely atmosphere, even though I could hardly recognize anything- we were so high up! One of the best days was Sunday when we went to Potsdam, which is a small town outside Berlin- choc-a-block with lovely palaces. The day was a gloriously sun-drenched day, complete with a temperature which reached 24 degrees Celcius and heavenly skies that seemed to have stepped out straight from a fairytale. The palace itself is a celebration of Rococo indulgence, while I could have lost myself in those gardens on that heavenly day.

There are a million other things and many more highlights I could write about but I'm quite tired already. Deborah and Marilyn's company was great all throughout, despite the fact that we are three very different people. We laughed a lot, walked a lot, talked a lot, explored a lot and had a week we will never forget.

As regards university, it looks like I shall have to repeat. Everything. But I'll whine about that later. I guess I should have expected it. It was indeed too good to be true.

Watched Tattoo too- a good, powerful play about the disturbing, twisted and puzzling phenomenon that is sexual abuse within the family - yet I couldn't stand Maria Buckle's overdone contortions of the lips, jaws and mouth. Flash news, Ms. Buckle- the mouth is not the only way to convey emotions. Okay, maybe her performance was okay, yet my point still stands. Stefan Cachia Zammit was superb as the abusive father. I can't really say much more because that's as far as my time and my expertise (or lack thereof) allow me.

I really have to go now, because this blog is truly long!

Ps The three images I tried to upload are, respectively, the new Gedaechtniskirche, the three of us at Sanssouci and the Gendarmenmarkt, a lovely square near Unter den Linden. Hope I managed to upload them!

Till next time, take care,
Lizzy
xxx

Auf Wiedersehen!

2007-09-11T23:50:00.000+02:00

I am leaving to Berlin tomorrow afternoon, so I thought I'd say goodbye to my dear readers, however few and far between you may be. A special hug goes out to my dear friend Claire, who is the number one reader of this blog and one of the most awesome friends I could ever hope for! Shall miss you greatly in Berlin, Philosopher ;p

Anyway, I hope that we arrive safely, and that we have bucketloads of fun, and that we see bucketloads of great things!

Till next time,
cya, or should I say auf wiedersehen!!
Lizzy
xxxx

Loaded with Meaning

2007-09-06T14:19:00.000+02:00

I try so hard to write blogs that are Loaded With Meaning. Everybody does. Everybody wants to be deep and intellectual. Yet no line I have ever written ever signified more:

I'm off to Berlin in six days' time and I cannot find my passport.

Why does my life have to- I can't even finish that sentence- I'm so worried that I've actually come full circle and been overwhelmed by an eerie calm and a sense of submission and resignation. It has to be somewhere here. And I heard there was a terrorism scare in Germany. Oh dear, God help us please.

By the way the big answer comes on the 14th September i.e. I shall then know whether I shall be a second year Ba English student or not. The only problem is that I shall be in Berlin, but everything will be okay I hope. Mum still thinks I'm on the 'path of ruin' and still sobs sometimes, but I just cannot discard my happiness just because of her. She has to stop living in the sixties and seventies (not the hippy type, but the Maltese type which induced a longlasting obsession with settling down in some dreary job for a lifetime, even if you hated it).

BTW MUM FOUND THE PASSPORT! Thank God for that. It shall be wintry in Berlin- how very odd! I can't even grasp the idea of moi in another country. I've been rooted here in Malta for so long that it seems too otherworldly. I love Malta, mind you, but the sameness and familiarity has lulled me to sleep. It will be nice having to take care of myself, not catching buses on automatic, and seeing foreign things that I do not see everyday of the week. Perhaps I shall be jolted into life. I'm a bit nervous, because I hope we really manage to make the most of this trip, yet it is 'nervous' in a good way.

I guess now it is time to sign off, because this blog is starting to resemble my private diary- ie a series of incoherent, unrelated sentences. One last note of thanks to Geraldine, who was so sweet and spent some time with me this morning while I waded through the bureucracy of university. They were nice today though. Hmmm *wonders*. Anyhow, it was really nice talking to Geraldine again :-D.

Till next time,
take care
Lizzy
xxx

Good people

2007-09-01T00:46:00.000+02:00

I have a new love in my life. It is Clive Owen. I've just watched 'Derailed'. I couldn't take my eyes off his face. The guy has soul, and depth. He gives me the sense of being a noble, decent person. I guess that is what a real man is like. Dear me, when I'm thirty-nine going on forty, I want to wake up next to a husband like that. I just loved 'Derailed'. Probably it was because of Clive Owen but I still think it's a very good film. It's all about how one mistake can rob you of your whole life, the life that wasn't always great, but at least it was okay. It's about the great lengths we go to to hide the mess we've made, and how we end up in a bigger mess. It's about how good people get embroiled in bad things, and how, then, they have to choose between blurting it all out and getting it off their chest, or else just walk, breathe, eat, sleep and wake up with the guilt, so as not to disturb the normality of their lives, so that everything remains okay.

Dear me, Clive Owen- sheer class.

The wind seems to have turned nortwesterly tonight. The winds of change hehh. It's September now. What a month this will be! I will go abroad on my own for the first time in my life and I will hopefully, hopefully, change course. Life beckons. And maybe one day, my very own Clive Owen will sweep me off my feet.

Till next time,
take care,
Liz
xxx

How to Disappear Completely

2007-08-30T11:25:00.000+02:00

Help help help! This morning I broke down because I felt like such a failure. I keep looking up to my siblings and I know that I'll never be like them. They involve themselves in this and that, have a cv bursting with experiences of every shape and size, and then there's me- the one who couldn't even stay in a job at EF because she's such a darn weakling. Aaargh! My ego is practically reduced to the size of a little pea at the moment. I. am. so. scared. Not scared in a panicky way- but I have that sinking feeling that I shall always be stuck in a rut. A piece of nothingness, an Elizabeth-shaped hole in the universe. And then maybe I'll scuttle off to Brussels to translate- and dissolve into oblivion. What does it matter if I was top of every class? They do not tell you that what you need is the fire, the guts, something I seem to be entirely lacking. At least yesterday I might have helped a poor ill old cat, belonging to a friend and former teacher of mine, who is in Luxembourg. I heard its cries from the well at her house.

Dear me, I am so giddy with hollowness. What is there when I peek inside? Nothing, but a desire to be like this and that. I can't even be original in my wishes and dreams! I remember writing essays back at school. I did so well because I remembered bits and pieces from what I read. I guess my memory was my best feature. I managed to fool people into thinking I had the fire and the spark. I never used to know what to do with the characters in my stories so I just killed them off, or they committed suicide, probably out of the boredom of happening to land in a story of someone this boring. Maybe I was right when, before sixth form, I thought for about a day that I should abandon my beloved English and German, and take up Maths and Physics and become an engineer or something similar. I had the marks. All I needed was the courage to admit that I'm not the artistic type, however much I want to be. At least I would have been some kind of a success, and Mum would not have been disappointed. She would have had a reason to beam and be happy for me, and I would have had a great job, and a lovely, secure feeling inside.

Now that I let it all out, I feel a little better. At least I have admitted my own disappointment to myself. And if you were wondering, the title of this blog is the name of a Radiohead song. Yes, I am listening to them a lot lately, especially their later stuff, for which many people do not give them enough credit. Those who know me will know that it's not just the experimentation for its own sake that impresses me, but the fact that they still manage to make beautiful music that even musically illiterate people like me can appreciate. I just love them! And the notion of disappearing and nothingness is rather relevant at the moment. The only video I found on Youtube of the recorded version of this song was made by a fan and is kind of weird and puzzling, so I thought you should look it up yourself, lest you do not like weird and puzzling things.

On a different note, and to show that, despite all this, I've actually been happy and serene for the past couple of weeks, these will cheer you up for sure:
This one is about pretentious drivel.
This one underlines what we all hate about critics.
This one is for all those who love/hate linguistics.

These people have a brilliant sense of humour! Enjoy! (Just posting those links already makes me feel better!)

Till next time,
Lizzy
xxxx

TV and nostalgia

2007-08-14T11:14:00.000+02:00

Woke up feeling like I was hit by a truck. Wasn't feeling too well yesterday night either. In fact I engaged in some real potato-couching - I watched one and a half episodes of Britain's Next Top Model (watching the bitching and the glamour always gives me the kicks), and then I watched CSI. CSI keeps you watching, but except for the ingenious storyline, it's crap. The acting must be the worst I've seen in ages (excluding Becky of course), and this is coming from a person who knows next to nothing about acting, and needs really crap acting to be induced to comment. The red-haired bloke who has the main part has to stare straight into the camera and put on his painfully outdated so-last-decade sunglasses whenever he says something of a certain DEPTH and SIGNIFICANCE, as if the viewers were so dumb that they needed to be told when to listen. Furthermore, the producers of the show have the sick habit of putting in this groovy music whenever they're examining some butchered body in an advanced state of decomposition. If they think that finding out how a person died is some geeky endeavour for hopeless bland geeky over-enthusiastic idiots, they should be taken to have their head, and heart, examined. This show simply underlines the misconception that all scientific people are dim-witted and possess no sense of style whatsoever. This is obviously a wrong generalization , but dear me, shows like these just strengthen it. The cinematography of the show is also very clinical, stark, bleak and scientific. Lots of ice-cold blue and highlighter green and grey and metallic colours and other assorted ugly colours- my insufficient ability to describe colours specifically is quite unforgivable I know. Bottom line, despite all these shortcomings, it kept me glued to the sofa, listening intently to every word. The appeal of detective stories is universal indeed. No wonder there's something like 754857585 such shows on TV.

This reviewing thingy is really getting me hooked :-D! The thing is, life is very quiet and ordinary at the moment, so it's no use going on and on about it because otherwise I'll bore you to sleep. On Sunday I was very depressed and so I got all bothered and flustered and dug up Radiohead. Ah. Exquisite. Sometimes it hits me like a rapid flash of light that those guys were so good- 'OK Computer' still ranks as one of those albums that most struck me and that I really love. I still clearly remember the day I bought it. I went to Valletta early before my Spanish lesson. I think it was the tenth of March 2003- in the midst of the Referendum and General Election chaos. I recall being all panicked and flustered because I could not find it anywhere. Then, finally, I found it in the City Gate shop. For a girl who was always terrified of what Big Sister and Brother were going to say, (I was proud that way and had this tremendous fear of ridicule and criticism, huge remnants of which unfortunately remain to this day), it was a big deal to splash out my saved-up pocket money on an original CD. I remember the joy and delight on my first playing it. Dear me, I was such a weird little fourteen-year-old! (and I did not know how to download songs yet.) Ah nostalgia. I had documented that momentous day in my diary of course, but I think I've lost the diary or it got thrown away. Anyways all this recalling came out of my intention to post this link to a much-loved Radiohead song which they never recorded properly. It's all very heart-wrenching and romantic and it's called 'True Love Waits'. Apparently there's another song with this name but it is not a cover.

Before I conclude, I shall say that lately I've been writing addictively in my diary. It's become the thing I turn to when I'm not feeling too good about myself. Sometimes I feel like life will pass me by while I'm busy writing diary entries. It all sounds so mediocre yet it's the one thing that I seem to be able to do of late. It's like the last lifeline before one starts feeling hopeless, hollow and mediocre. I seem to falter at every attempt at creativity but I still have to keep writing or else I feel rather dead. Moreover, diaries are a good way to put all the pieces -thoughts, feelings, perceptions, experiences- into at least a semblance of a whole. Yet I am happy. Life is very tranquil and some things are sorting themselves out nicely. (I have the (deputy) Dean's recommendation!!!). I should be off now since I've ended up writing journal entries about writing journal entries. Dear me, I should get me a life. But not really, I've actually got work to do (Yes, not joking!) once I leave this blog. Actually I should have started ages ago. So I shall bid you farewell and Happy Santa Marija!!!

Take care,
Lizzy
xxxx

The blue and yellow whistle

2007-08-12T13:45:00.001+02:00

The great thing about being unemployed and having a lot of free time is that you are constantly discovering new talents. A couple of weeks ago it was singing, now it's whistling. Since I am crap at whistling per se, I managed to get me a whistle, and dear me am I talented!!! Last Friday I went to Etnikafe on my own since my sister gave me a complimentary ticket and no one could accompany me on that day (sob sob). The show was good. There's no other way around it. Being rather illiterate musically, I cannot really wax lyrical on the technical prowess of the band. Yet, from what I could hear, they have managed to blend their traditional folk roots with more modern urban sounds, such as reggae, ska, rap and whatever other genres they cite as influences. I had been a great fan of theirs in the time when they released Zifna (their second album I believe), yet then they reached a bit of a dead end. They had managed to revive Maltese folk music and convince people that it could be great fun. They had injected energy into what we thought were dead forms of expression, using traditional Maltese instruments such as the zaqq, and involving folk singers (ghannejja) and bands which regularly play at feasts. It was all a load of 'briju' and newfound joy at being the quirky, loud, temperamental inhabitants of this flawed yet ultimately adorable small sunny island. The sale of things such as pastizzi at the shows added to this feel-good aura. Yet, a year later, in 2004, they immediately seemed to be losing their spark and becoming repetitive. However, now, to cut a long story short, they've found a way to retain what made them so special, while progressing at the same time. I particularly liked the song about the immigrants ("Klandestini Rock") sung (or rapped) by John from IQ, "Kollox tal-Plastik", sung by the ex-Lumiere frontman, as well as a song about the waves and the sea and the guitar (its name escapes me), sung by the sweet-voiced Alison Galea from Beangrowers.

Hmm seems this reviewing thingy is drawing me in. Anyways,my favourite part of the evening was when I got to make a lot of Briju. I was very quiet for most of the evening- the atmosphere was very civilised- lots of journalists around (I think it was Complimentary Ticket Night). However, at the end of the night, they gave us each a lovely whistle to blow. My beloved beloved whistle: Its tip is white, yet then it opens into a lovely shiny plastic blue with yellow paper ruffles at the end. Pure art haha. But I loved the thing the moment I saw it. I shall probably draw a smiley face on it with tipex, to match the tip and to give the thing a face if I have time. Anyhows I blew it so much!!! Wiii! That's what I love about Etnika. They always manage to end with a bang. I also loved the routine of the drunk hamalli, which involved five "dancers" pretending they're drunk and fashionably lacking co-ordination. Apparently they were supposed to be co-ordinated, but my sister's accident with her shoe put in an odd, endearing delay. Ah the graceful Galeas. Furthermore, I liked the way they entered and exited on the "karru"-like structure. Very mass-meeting/ festa tar-rahal-ish. Very happily noisy and Maltese.

I had other things to write about (such as racing and spluttering and laughing in the sea with Claire :-D). I also met up with a former teacher and good friend of mine who came from Luxembourg :-D. Yet, this blog is already long and I am already tired, hence now I will conclude it and bid you farewell. Till next time,

Take care,
Lizzy
xxxx

PS I could not not post a link to this song, even though I had promised myself I would not mention Keane so much, to give the impression I'm not too boring and one-track minded. But I just LOVE this rendition of this heart-wrenching Rufus Wainwright song, probably more than the original. And it's best to be honest to blog readers, rather than give false impressions lol. Enjoy!

Smelling the roses

2007-08-07T12:58:00.000+02:00

These past few days have been quiet, sunny and happy. Rarely have I felt better. The only thing I am anxious about at the moment (and it's a rather big deal) is university. I desperately want to know whether they will let me into second year or not, and I still have to get the Dean's approval. What makes it a bit worse is the fact that everyone is busy registering for the study-units of the coming year. Only God knows what infinity of confusion I shall have to face as regards study-units and late registration, if they let me in that is. But despite all this, it has been a great few days. I went swimming, met my friends, went out, shopped, the works. AND I finally started reading again. I had been having a bit of a reader's block, maybe because of the heat but more probably because of the confusion in my poor little head.

Yesterday was a particularly nice day. I met two friends I had not spent time with for a very long time- Diana and Demelsa. Together with Claire, we went to Sliema and I bought me a nice girly pair of gold earrings and the flip flops that had been continuously eluding me. (My beloved old ones are making an odd rattling sound when I walk.) It seems that simple, plain, FLAT flip flops with DISCREET straps which BLEND IN with whatever you're wearing and are NOT made of plastic are a rare commodity these days. Or else, I'm a lazy shopper. After that, we unexpectedly met Desiree :-D!

Anyhows, when I started writing this blog, I had this grand, sublime idea about how I was going to convey the feeling of being blessed, that I had been sensing of late. Yet, it is turning out to be just another mundane blog full of mundane trivial little things. The thing is, as I was sitting on the bus a couple of days ago, I realised just how lucky and blessed I am, and how sweet life is at the moment, despite the odd fact that I was passing by the smoke-stacks of the Marsa industrial estate at that precise moment. It really would be an act of excessive emo jaded-ness (This word does not strike me as existent) to complain much at the moment. Naturally there are a good number of things that I would like to see change, yet compared to all the pain and misery I can glimpse in the world, well I have to be excessively cliched, but one has to count one's blessings. Moreover, the fact that I am finally on my way to changing my course is really a huge sigh of relief. I was genuinely quite terrified of teaching and it gave me a dull yet undeniable sinking feeling. You might be thinking that I am an awful wimp, but I have to be honest to myself, wimp or not. Now it is easier to talk about what I want/need to do, even if I have acknowledged that I might need to go and find work as a translator in Brussels/Luxembourg. For once, I can say "we will see" ("issa naraw") - my favourite phrase- without a tone of dread and a sigh of resignation.

This morning I dutifully kept my promise to cook for the family, naturally under my dad's watchful eye. After a certain unsuccessful attempt at cooking pasta back in a Home Economics class in Form 2, it has been rather difficult to convince people to trust me alone with water and raw pasta( I had thrown the pasta in cold water). Anyhows, being the awesome illustrious person that I am ;P, I pulled it off brilliantly and am proud to say everybody simply LUURVED it!! Poetic licence allows me to exaggerate a bit :-D.

The excessive length of this blog forces me to conclude it, but not before I gleefully announce that my first driving lesson is on Friday. Smell that? It's the maturity emanating from my every pore :p. Till next time,

Take care,
Lizzy
xxx

The menacing rabbit

2007-08-04T10:49:00.001+02:00

This morning I had intended to go swimming but then I did not tell anyone and so ended up stuck at home on a sunny Saturday morning. Therefore I turned to this blog for comfort.

This attempt at comfort blogging was rather fruitless and so I decided to go to swim in the middle of the scorching afternoon, which means I shall be off very soon. But I thought I'd blog a bit before I left. This last week I watched two films I had been intending to watch for a very long time. 'Sylvia' and 'Donnie Darko'. 'Donnie Darko' is a very odd film, and even that is an understatement. The story is basically this: An angst-ridden teenage outcast, complete with troublesome past and psychiatric treatment, is saved from a sure death when he is called outside by a gigantic rabbit, or rather a man dressed as a hideous rabbit, who tells him when the world will end. In the meantime, a piece of aircraft falls on his bedroom. After this event, the rabbit keeps haunting him and telling him to do a series of increasingly dangerous and violent things- such as vandalizing the school and burning down the house of a corrupt televangelist. In the meantime, the boy questions time-travel, portals into a parallel universe, destiny, God etc etc. This film is a very weird film, the kind that has enough twists and turns and questions and possible answers to keep anyone who enjoys deciphering cryptic messages and complicated ciphers happy and occupied for a whole year. Yet, is it just that? A pretentious warped bucketload of encryption and labyrinthine mysteries, whose only complexity lies in cunningness rather than real depth? I think this film actually lies in between simply being a gimmicky series of twists and ciphers, typical of the sort of sci-fi addicts that are so numerous among teenage boys like Darko himself, and the genuinely quirky original little gem that it was touted to be by the numerous enthusiasts who made it a cult favourite. Thankfully enough, it has none of the usual feeling of pretentiousness usually associated with cultish indie films. Moreover it is well shot and acted. And Jake Gyllenhaal is Jake Gyllenhall (drool). There are some cringe-inducing gimmicks- the actual existence of the Berta Sparrow book about time travel (it's on the website, I've been told) is one such thing. But all in all, I'm happy I saw it, some six years after the whole brouhaha broke out. There was also a nice melancholic song in the film which is really beautiful and quiet- It is called Mad World and I think it's a cover. Enjoy!

Dear me, I have just spent half an hour reviewing a film that has been reviewed a gazillion times before. Talk about uselessness. But I'm kind of enjoying this reviewing thingy. I think I shall actually coin a new proverb :'Those who can, do. Those who can't, review!' It actually rhymes and it's better than the overused cliched teaching one. Anyhows I have to be off to swim now. I'll review Sylvia if I manage to come up with a couple of coherent sentences about it. Blogging about myself all the time is kind of rather tiring. BTW It's the end of the 'Under the Iron Sea' tour for Keane today. *sobs* And I did not manage to see them live. But I will manage sometime. In any case, I enjoyed the tourblogs. I must really get me a life. But, oh, how I love them!

Till next time, take care,
Lizzy
xxxxx

Random thoughts

2007-07-29T19:56:00.000+02:00

Am going through old unfinished blogs I'd discarded and I'll soon start going through old diary entries and unfinished writings. Guess it's nostalgia day. I feel that I need to write something pretty quick. Lots of thoughts going round in my head but nothing substantial enough. I do have an idea of what I want to write but how shall I go about it? I'd listened to songwriters saying that the whole process of getting something out of you is unpleasant and difficult. It's when it's finished and you know you've got that 'something' that it is so wonderful. I have a feeling I'll never get to that last leg of the process. Am posting on this blog more often than usual because it's the only outlet for my writing at the moment and, since I love typing away and writing in general, it feels liberatory.

I wish I felt like reading but I am distracted by a certain restlessness as well as a couple of worries floating about in my head. Tomorrow is a free day so I might go to Valletta to look for new specs- my old ones are getting on my nerves. I also have to book driving lessons and clean the flippin room! Oh dear, laziness never felt so lovely... I'm not even bored. This evening Desiree wanted to go out and eat sushi at Paceville yet I discouraged her because I was bored of going to PV and riding vans. I will just have a quiet evening in, chatting with the family. I haven't had one in a while and I need to remind mum I'm still a sensible person. Things are already looking up between us and there will be my godparents as well (Aunt Maryanne and Uncle Joe) so that's nice. Before I leave, I shall post a link to this very short funny animation about Keane. You see, I do have a sense of humour and am able to laugh, even at the expense of my dahlings from Sussex. I found it very funny but I do not know whether the reading throngs will do so too. It's about the way many view them as such softies hehe. Feel free to comment. And yes, I am totally addicted to Keane at the moment. I'm even nice enough to admit it :-D! I will also post a Keane-unrelated link to keep everybody happy. This song is 'New York, New York', released some six years ago by Ryan (not Bryan!) Adams. Still sounds brilliant! Enjoy! Till next time,

Take care,
Lizzy
xxxxx

My newfound singing talent

2007-07-28T15:45:00.000+02:00

Yes. It is official. I can sing. Even if it's like an unnaturally angry and irritated hawker at the fish market, who has just had her thigh stung by a particularly poisonous bee. But at least I can sing. And, oh dear, how I used this newfound talent last Thursday at Isle of mtv!!! What a night it was! I promised myself I would not stop singing and clapping and cheering! And how I sang, how I clapped and cheered! Claire and Desiree were witness to the joys of having me constantly hopping about and getting excited for the duration of around 5 hours. I seriously loved every second of it. The sheer euphoria of just being part of a forty-thousand strong crowd all intent on having fun was enough for me. Ira gave a good show as usual while Enrique was the friendly, fun-loving Latino lover we all expected him to be. Maroon 5 turned out better than I expected them. To my musically uninformed ears, they sounded very tight and their music was very good- a healthy dose of cool, sun-drenched L.A. rock with a striking pop sensibility never did anyone any harm. The only problem was that the crowd did not seem to receive their lesser-known songs so well. Yet, I am proud to say I never stopped clapping, cos otherwise what's the fun? Thankfully in the end, the crowd recharged its enthusiasm for the lovely 'She Will be Loved', 'Sunday Morning' and the unforgettable 'This Love'. And that Adam what's his surname chap is kind of really hot. Ah yes. I think his surname is Levine. I also unexpectedly enjoyed the DJ-sets in between. They were kind of cool. They gave me the opportunity to hop a bit more, and raise my hands up in the cool air while practising my new dorky finger dance/rap and my izzi izzi beat. The kind of things only hopeless nerds would come up with, but, sigh, I just cannot help it.

After Maroon 5, both Claire and Desiree were too exhausted to stay so we stationed our weary bodies outside near the ice-cream van, while we ate chocolate ice-cream, sipped Coca cola and watched Akon belt out his songs in that unmistakeable squeaky voice of his on the big screen. At this point, I got an urge to get back to the Fosos square and make some more 'briju' but it was too late and so, we walked to the bus and went home. Desiree and I decided that we should save up and travel to go to some gigs abroad in the future. Obviously, the first band that came to mind was Coldplay, since both of us love 'em to bits. That way we can make sure that we both lose our voices by the end of the evening. Yet I still have to find someone who'd be willing to accompany me to a Keane concert. Yesterday I tried to lecture Desiree into liking them but kind of failed. Mitt bniedem, mitt fehma I guess... though no amount of disagreement will stop me from being able to recite all their lyrics even if under hypnosis. Thankfully I no longer worry myself to death about liking the 'right', critically acclaimed artists. I find that people who do that are rather miserable wannabes. People should just like what strikes a chord in their little hearts/ minds and stop trying to climb on a high horse and look down on others with a 'hipper-than-thou' attitude. Thankfully all the people who tease me about Keane do so with a good-natured sense of humour (or so I hope). And after all, Keane are good, right? Right? Right, I say!

Some news worth mentioning before I conclude my address to the reading throngs: I finally managed to speak to Dr. Callus (the English head of department)and he's endorsing my request, provided that I complete the missing study-units next year. However, I still have to speak to the German co-ordinator, the Dean and finally submit the request to the Student's Request Board (I hope they're nice like Dr.Callus). Here's hoping for the best. In other news, I started cleaning my room, did so for about half an hour and then stopped. I hope I'll make some noticeable improvements in this area. Housework remains my Achilles' heel hehe. But I have to help mum this summer, especially since now I'm officially unemployed! I guess playing some Keane in the background would help in the cleaning process:-D!!!!

Anyways, am really off now (super long blog Owwemmgi)
Take care,
Lizzy
xxxxx

PS I hope I wrote 'newfound' correctly. Bye byeee

You're standing on my neck.

2007-07-24T20:40:00.000+02:00

Writing yesterday's post immediately made me feel better, however today I woke up feeling like I had just been hit by a truck. I think I have a cold, even though I do not have the usual unbearable soreness of the throat. My bones are stiff and my back is aching. Moreover, a small red patch has appeared in the identical place in both eyes. Weird stuff. The strangest thing however is that I have lost my appetite, which is an unusual thing for me. Probably it is my body silently rebelling against this unacceptable, horrendous, unspeakable heat. Oh dear me, I well and truly hate it! I do not even have the energy to drag myself to the seaside. What particularly irks me is the way the weather forecast describes this weather as nice and sunny (sabih u xemxi, to be precise)! Anyone who thinks this weather is nice should be forced into therapy, or rehab, or some such thing. In the morning I went out to run some errands and the sky was grey! Yes, grey! This heat has sucked the life and colour out of everything, even the sky!!! I do not know the reason for this but it must be the humidity, or the brightness of the sun, or the harmful UV rays (Geography aficionados please feel free to elaborate).

Due to my body's weird behaviour I spent most of the day doing nothing particularly useful- I chatted on msn, listened to music, chatted a bit more, slept, watched re-runs on TV, watched the Hills (very dumb but very beloved by yours truly). I hadn't had such freedom to laze about for about four weeks, so my conclusion is that I earned it. The only useful thing I did was look up around thirty Berlin hostels on the internet. Since the best hostels are all full, methinks we should simply take the Flyaway package with Air Malta. We could not book before since we all had to wait to know when we'd be free, so it is not really our fault, and the difference is not so big anyways. Hope all goes well :-D.

The whole point of this blog was not to have yet another longish blog (but I just cannot stop talking, ever!) but apparently, despite being short of energy, I still cannot help bothering my readers. I still haven't started reading/writing something decent after stopping work- too many little errands to run, too much heat and too many distractions. I have to trudge back to university sometime this week. I have a feeling that I'll just submit the request form without talking to anyone. Then, the 'faculty board', whoever might be on it, will consider it in September.

Anyhow, the original scope of this post was to give you these two links. Recently, I was reminded of this show my sister and I used to love and watch around five years ago (back in my Dark Ages, ref earlier post.) This series was produced by MTV and it was brilliant, according to me. 'Daria' was funny, smart, witty, quirky and endearing. Despite, or rather because of its hilarious caricatures, it managed to be relevant and an intelligent commentary on suburban life nowadays. In a nutshell, I loved it, and it is with great nostalgia that I post these two links. They're of a random episode that I found on Youtube. Please watch, and enjoy!: This is Part One (which should be watched first) and Part Two (which should be watched second). I actually watched them the other way round (but only cos I couldn't find Part One). The title of this blog is actually a reference to the theme song. It beats me how this can be the same station that produces rubbish like Jackass and Viva la Bam. I should be off now, since this blog has turned out even longer than the usual longish-ness.

Till next time,
take care,
Lizzy
xxxxx

In limbo

2007-07-23T19:38:00.000+02:00

I've just cried a bit, one of those comforting bouts of weeping that come from the heart. I had yet another argument with my mother because she still thinks I'm doing something stupid and I should become a teacher. To make matters worse, I went to university for nothing because Dr. Callus was doing the third year viva voce exams and he has not even answered my email. Which is doubly odd, since he'd answered me back when he was on holiday. Lecturers: strange people. The bad thing about all this is that I very easily get discouraged and right now all I want is just to be safely registered in the B.A. course, with no more question marks looming about my poor weary head. My mum just does no help. All she has contributed to the situation is doubt and even more useless worrying, and then she wonders why we're not getting on so well at the moment. She says she's really proud of me and my results, but if she really were, she'd trust me more and stop looking at my decision as some kind of anti-climax. This afternoon she told me that I might be on the way to becoming 'sfrattata' (?!?!?). I was speechless and refused to even continue the conversation. Some statements really cannot be dignified with an answer (to shamelessly copy Bridget Jones), so I stormed upstairs and took comfort in loads and loads of Keane. I know that anyone reading this blog must be thinking I have the most boring musical tastes ever, simply because I've been listening to an overdose of the same band for roughly five months now. HOWEVER, I do listen to other stuff (I just do not document it on this blog) and what's wrong with finding great great comfort in something and sticking to it? I'm listening to some of their earlier stuff at the moment, singles and B-sides they released before getting a good record deal. It might not be very polished but it still has that special genuine sweetness and the lovely melodies that have made them successful. This song is of particular interest. It is one of the few songs written by the band's singer (Tom Chaplin) and it makes me wonder why he stopped writing for the band. It would be very interesting if both Tim (the gorgeous pianist) and Tom wrote, I think.

Anyways, there I was talking about serious things like university and I get sidetracked talking about Keane. That kind of says something about my wish for escapism and the extent of how fed up I am of being in limbo (hence the title). One last thing before I continue. Just in case you haven't noticed yet, I love Keane, soo much! Anyways, I was talking about how my mother called me 'sfrattata'. The reason for this was because I stayed out in the sun after going to uni and Desiree and I went near the sea under the MCC to rest our tired feet in the water. What's more, we even commited the heinous crime of staying out till two on a Sunday night, even though we had been waiting for the stinking van since midnight. I hate transport services!!! What on Earth is happening to the fun-loving, understanding mum I had? She who used to drag me to go shopping and to go to the beautician and plead with me to go out and make friends back in the Dark Ages of my early teens (ref. earlier posts)? I know I am not the perfect daughter. I know I sometimes keep everything to myself and I really do not help in the housework. I also have the bad habit of mumbling and muttering angrily to her for no particularly valid reason, especially when I can't find the eyeliner I'd misplaced myself the night before. Yet, I've always done my level best to act respectably and to practise the values she has lovingly inculcated in us ever since we were kids, and for this she sometimes forgets to give me credit. I wish things were okay since mum is quite a darling at the end of the day. Despite everything, all she wants is that we're well. Yet, her ideas of wellbeing can sometimes be stubbornly limited and exclusive. Steering clear of B.A courses is one such idea.

This entry has been very emotional and soppy but I really needed to let all this out, so please bear with me. I hope things will start looking brighter and I will be able to wax lyrical about the joys of foreign-student-free life soon!

P.S. My lovely brother (I really can't help loving him to bits) told me this lovely line from 'The Pursuit of Happyness'- "Don't let anyone tell you that you cannot make it, even if it is yourself." Why can't everyone be that kind and understanding?

Till next time,

Take care,
Lizzy
xxxxx

Drivelling

2007-07-19T23:12:00.000+02:00

I do not know whether this word exists but I'm taking a gamble, without unleashing my nerdy side and checking on the merriam-webster web dictionary. I think it means rambling on stupidly and not making much sense. Tonight I was a bit tense and I drivelled a lot. I started talking on and on about ects and credits and study units and sikstifajfpersent and oners and all this stuff in front of my mum, to whom all this is simply greek. This made my mum feel even more confused and even more SILENTLY convinced that I'm messing up my life by doing a B.A. in English. The thing about my mother's silent convictions is that they are impossible to ignore. She expresses them in her morose tone of voice, her sighs of resignation and the sense of inevitable doom that oozes out of her every pore. Oh God why does she have to be so stubborn? She keeps telling me to rethink it and rethink it when I've been thinking it over and over again for almost six months now. And for once in my life I am decided about something, so much so that I do not even feel the need of relying on others' opinion. I know this is what I want. I just know. The only thing that upsets me is that my mother is the kind of person who worries herself till she's well and truly miserable about even the smallest things. And I do not want her to be upset. I know that for her jobs and settling down is one big big deal. Yet maybe seeing me happy will put a smile on her face, and maybe one day I will make her proud :-D. Pity that I do not yet have a clue whether I'll be accepted into second year of the Honours course. And slowly slowly the prospect is seeming even more unrealistic than ever.

On a more joyous and chirpy note, I finish work tomorrow and MENO MALE i say too! Dear me, these past two days have been a confirmation of the complete mess that language schools in Malta are. The lack of resources is a joke- One CD player to be shared by some 40 classes, not to mention the scarcity of a thing as basic as whiteboard markers!!! Moreover I realised why I hate teaching so much. Teaching just disturbs you from your purpose. It is just a distraction. It jolts you awake from your mental meanderings, the freedom of your inner life, and it throws you in an alien environment where you have to cope with strangers and engage in that evil thing called practicality. I know I am painting it in a very evil way but that is how it is for me. I am sure it is very fulfilling for those wonderful people who do it so well- those who were born teachers like my mum or my uncle- but for me it is just bleak and something to get over and done with as soon as possible. Even when I can see that the students are wonderful people with great potential, it is still a chore for me. Maybe you might say that I am making a mountain out of a molehill, but it is something that I have noticed and endlessly thought about. It's one of the things I share with my sister. We repel the career our family has made a living from. Something like half my relatives are teachers. What warms me up is my father's understanding. He taught for something like forty years without ANY promotions whatsoever so I think he silently encourages my determination to break away.

Ok now I am making it sound like some Ridley Scott epic of escape and revolution, which it definitely is not. (It's just a change of course for God's sake!) But this is the way I am- I romanticize every single thing. Must be the symptom of a sheltered life. And before anyone who reads this blog is reduced to a suicidal wreck wondering when or if this rambling will end, I will bid you farewell..

Take care,
Lizzy
xxxx

(warning!) very tired blogger

2007-07-17T23:03:00.000+02:00

A short blog just to say how much I am looking forward to finishing work on Friday. A reminder for whenever, IF ever I'm nuts enough to regret giving up on teaching. Dear me I have never been this sure about not wanting to teach. I feel it in my stomach everytime I'm walking to class. Being left alone seems like a heavenly privilege at moments like those. Even though i had some nice students. And I realized I might want to relearn Spanish. My mind seems to have shunned that language. Anyways, had a rather plinky plonky day today and spent it feeling like I'd just been hit by a truck. Which excuses my brief fragmented blog, I guess. I am still waiting for Dr. Callus' answer about the course. He should be back from the UK by now so hopefully he' ll bestow a ray of hope on me soon. Anyhows, I gotta be off to do some serious navigating in the Land of Nod before I wake up tomorrow to finish lesson planning. I had no more energy to squeeze out of me tonight. Found this song which kind of suits my mood- it's one of Keane's (oh God why am I so boring?) earliest singles or B-sides or something like that. Cuteness cuteness! Am really off now,

Hugs and Cookies
Lizzy
xxxxx

Bittersweet

2007-07-16T00:09:00.000+02:00

Bad day and good day, sort of. It started well, turned sour and became nice again. I woke up feeling rejuvenated after a lovely first part of the weekend. Last week was truly exhausting. I never slept for more than five hours a night and taught all day long. Therefore the weekend, spent sleeping, eating and shopping, was quite blissful. Tomorrow is the start of my final week at work and I must admit that I cannot wait till I'm free!!! It's not that I do not want to work, it's just that I dread TEFLing. There is so much I plan to do. I have to read some good books and finally get down to writing. I had started something half decent after the exams but work meant I had to stop, so now I will continue, hopefully that is. Besides, I need to tidy up my room which has been on the verge of tumbling into the abyss (a Tim Rice Oxley quote!!!) of complete chaos for the last three months or so. Moreover, I have to plan THE trip to Berlin!!! Yes, Marilyn, Deborah and I have decided to just pack our bags and leave, soli soletti, to the land that gave us the source of so much stress and laborious studying- the German language! Hopefully we'll have booked by next week and I will start drawing up some kind of schedule for our visits. Maybe we'll have time to visit some of the places around Berlin too- such as the Mark Brandenburg (you Teutonic nerds should know what that is).

Ok, where was I?? Oh yes, the day turned sour. I had an argument with a dear friend of mine who is sort of drifting away. Maybe I reacted too strongly but, for goodness' sake, I had just been listening to my mother begging me to explain why I gave up on teaching and on a secure job YET AGAIN, and I was not in the mood to be diplomatic. The argument and other assorted stupid things ruined my day, until Desiree came here and we went to M'Scala. We stuffed our faces with chicken wrap and crisps at the pitch and then grabbed a cappucino ( which I did not like) and caught the bus to Zabbar. From there Desiree accompanied me to my house in Fgura, we chatted a while in the drive-in and then I accompanied Des back to Zabbar. You see, we weren't exactly in the mood to get back home.

Bah, so far a very functional and factual blog. Yet, it is too late for me to be my usual profound self ;p. Am kind of scared of the work-less summer that lies ahead and maybe I am trying to make life seem full of things to do. I did apply for summerwork with the university in summer, so maybe I will have a job, even if for a couple of weeks and with what is sure to be a meagre pay. In any case, why be so scared of having some time all to myself? I have to write, and I will somehow manage. I used to have a spark somewhere back in my days as a pimply grease machine, so why should I have lost it now? Furthermore I'm still in limbo as regards the course. Will I have to repeat first year? Will I find it in myself to prove to mum that I made the right choice? Something tells me I will. I am being so positive that I sound like a PSD teacher repeating her mantra on automatic.

Oh dear, this post gives me the feeling of a fabricated sort of sensofhjumer (I'll explain in some other post). Don't know why, but my dreamy, Keane-loving side seems to be buried under a mound of ordinariness (there i go again, repeating myself). But DO NOT DESPAIR, I am still a big fan of the three little nerds from Sussex and still think they are the cutest thing since, well, since the cutest thing that came before them. Honestly though, I am addicted to their music. They give me the sense of the incurable romanticism of people who, like me, must have led pretty sheltered, ordinary lives. Well, I will elaborate some other time. Till then, I wish you all sweet summer days.

Take care,
Lizzy
xxxxx

Decisions, decisions

2007-07-11T17:57:00.000+02:00

I am writing this blog with swollen red eyes and a splitting headache. I've just had an argument with my mum which was tantamount to World War Three. I told her I'm leaving EF, cos I simply cannot bear the students anymore, and she flipped out. She kept murmuring on about how I do not want to work and how I'm not like 'it-tfal tan-nies' and how I worry her everyday and this naturally led me to flip out too and start shouting louder and louder until I burst out crying and stormed to my room. I know I could have made a sacrifice and kept on working at least a single shift yet I hated every second of it and dreaded it day in day out. Do not get me wrong, it is not like my mum is the type that gets all hot and bothered about money and work. What she gets all hot and bothered about is the fact that she thinks that lazing about all summer long will turn me into some sort of cabbage and will reduce my mental and social faculties. I really would like to work but teaching is just not the thing for me, and she should understand that I am entitled to avoid spending every night dreading the following morning. I do sometimes feel like a loser and a quitter but at least I will have done three weeks of full days of teaching(9-4.30) so the guilt is considerably reduced.

I am worried now. I went to university to ask about changing the course and I have to wait till September for an answer. While I am positive that they will let me switch to a B.A. course, I am quite scared that they will not let me do an Honours in English, which means that I either have to repeat first year or else stay in B.ed (noooo)... For a while yesterday I felt really sure that everything was gonna be ok but now it all still seems too good to be true. Mum is expectedly disappointed because she once again views giving up on teaching as an act of low self-esteem and a high degree of laziness, but for once in my life, I am well and truly convinced about something. I do NOT want to teach. Period. The funny and yet tragic thing is- I knew this all along. I know myself well enough to know that teaching is not my kind of job. However, I repressed it so as to be on the safe side. That's the funny way I am wired up. Anything goes as long as it's safe. I am an anarchist's walking nightmare. Anyways now I just have to wait and see.

Last Monday Desiree came over and we had a lovely night in- laughing and talking and giggling and watching a really nice film. It's called Stranger than Fiction and it is about a man who, one fine day, starts hearing a voice narrating his own life as it happens. Which is oddly resonant, since I often find myself narrating my own life as I float absent-mindedly from one place to another. I hope this does not mean I need to get a life. I wish I could blog better but I am truly exhausted after staying up watching The Count of Monte Cristo with my sister till two last night (Gorgeous men have to be appreciated), teaching all day long today, crying and shouting a lot as well as lesson-planning (the joy). These are tiring days but I think that finally I have grown up enough to know what I want and to try and get it. I will go and rest now and keep my fingers crossed for next Sepember's decision...

Till next time, take care
Lizzy
xxxx

A time to blog

2007-07-07T17:14:00.000+02:00

Work at EF started last Monday and the first couple of days were rather nightmarish. I had not taught for almost a year and I sure could feel the strain. Now I can appreciate the bliss of sitting down quietly waiting for a lesson to be delivered rather than having to deliver it yourself. Hearing my own voice boom back eerily from the bare-walled classroom and having a dozen and a half hormonal teenagers staring blankly at me expecting me to produce little doses of fun is not exactly the perfect way to spend summer. I must admit I am not the liveliest of teachers. Nothing ever seems to work for me. Grammar exercises, conversation, activities, games, you name it- all that I try out in class seems to draw nothing more than groans from the little brats. Ok I admit, there are some really nice co-operative students but some classes are just, well, quite hopeless. Later on in the week things got slightly better. I got used to being in class and made some new friends in the staffroom. I realised I did not have to mind my students' disapproval. The thing is, when you're determined that your students should do an activity, they WILL do it. A classic example was last Friday morning, when, miraculously enough, I managed to get twelve Italian/Spanish students spend 45 minutes trying to figure out how to write a rather challenging picture story. And, wait for this, they did it SILENTLY! YES! Okay, so probably it was their hangover that quieted their groaning so much but, in any case, it was bliss for the teacher sitting leisurely at the desk! I was tempted to start producing my evil grin...

However, I will still switch to a single shift as soon as the current groups leave because teaching from 9 till 4.30 is basically ruining my summer, there's no other way around it. It is a good experience and it does do wonders for my self-esteem and assertiveness but I am not exactly aiming to become SuperPersonality by the end of the summer so I guess I'll take it easy. Moreover, I will try to find a more relaxed job by next summer. (Please God please God pleeeease!)

The morale of this whole story is that I do not think that teaching is the right job for me. Period. This realisation is not based solely on this experience, mind you. No matter how hard I try, I just do not like to deal with so many people at a time. I've always valued being left to think in peace and quiet on my own and teaching is the complete opposite. Since I am stupid enough not to have admitted this earlier and to have kept on trudging on in the Education course, such a relevation puts me in deep shit. I am supposed to go to the Faculty Officer/ the Registry/ the Head of Department as soon as possible to see what I have to do to switch to B.A.. I have a sneaking suspicion I will have to repeat the year but we will see. I hope everything works out okay and my mum does not freak out too much. I also hope and pray I make the right decision. And I also hope I will not be unemployed for eternity. We will see.(the favourite phrase of any master of passiveness). I have to realise that I am grown up now and that the only way I can be successful is to be happy doing whatever I do, even if it is more difficult to find a secure job. And my parents understand. They always do in the end.

I wish I could blog in a more polished way but I am a bit too busy at the moment (groooann!) and, being a rather slow blogger, I do not have so much time for it now
:(. Watching Live Earth online at the moment but I think I will miss/ might have missed Keane. Groan!

Till next time,
Take care
xxxxxxxxx

Bryan! Bryan!

2007-06-29T17:39:00.000+02:00

It has been a week since I last blogged because, believe it or not, I have been too busy! Yes! busy! in this weather! And I am not busy with countless types of ways to amuse myself. I am busy with seminars and assignments as well as work, which starts on Monday. Right now I am supposed to be working on my Interpersonal Skills assignment(which is thankfully turning out better than I thought), yet I simply cannot do anymore after working on the process notes and starting the actual final essay today. Sigh. As regards work, I really do not feel like facing complete strangers every single day for the next seven to eight weeks. It wears me out, the little wimp that I am.

As you can see, today's title is yet another tour de force of subtlety. Yesterday I went to the Bryan Adams concert unexpectedly with Chris. It was the first proper concert of my entire life but that was as far as my enthusiasm went. The last time I had listened to Bryan Adams songs with that sparkle of approval in my eye goes back to when I was eleven or twelve, probably just before I became a Miserable Outcast and a dedicated Radiohead fan. (ref. Dark Ages post). Yet once the concert started I could see what made/makes Bryan Adams such a star. His songs make you feel really good and at the end of the day there is nothing like a positive attitude and a catchy melody to give you that warm glow. I found myself digging up his songs from the recesses of my childhood memories and the lyrics just started flowing effortlessly (and rather out of tune) out of my mouth. I was singing along at the top of my lungs as well as screaming like my life depended on it. Morale of the story- Large-scale concerts are seriously good fun and I should start dragging myself to them whenever they happen. Morale number two- I cannot sing!

Despite the great night (hence the title) I woke up this morning with a dull worry buzzing at the back of my head. It is a rather private matter, so I will refrain from going into it. However it is one of those things I keep trying to solve but I keep tumbling wearily into failure. So I listened to this sweet sweet song I found. And that was me trying to post a link. Hope it works. Sweet songs always seem to attach a certain allure to having problems and they always make you think that there is someone who will make it all okay in the end. That's why they're so indispensable.

I think I have moaned quite enough for today and I shall leave you to enjoy your summer in peace. Till next time, I'll wish you countless airconditioned rooms and delicious ice-creams!

Take care
Lizzy
xxxx

Sweet summer days

2007-06-22T00:19:00.000+02:00

Summer (the official natural season not the holidays) started today and it started very well indeed. Last night I met up with two of my oldest friends- Desiree and Andrea- at Birzebbugia. We just walked by the sea, ate chocolate ice-cream, gossiped and giggled and talked, and then finally we went to swing on the swings (I'm sure that there must be some other verb but anyways), which is the perfect thing to do after eating chocolate ice-cream, I'm quite sure lol. Anyways, lovely evening on the whole :). Also a big thanks to Deborah for the lovely gift she gave me earlier on:-D.

This morning I went to the sea with Desiree. I usually always go late in the afternoon at about five or six, either because of work or else because I'm too lazy. So it was nice to have a proper (half) day at the sea. First we went to swim at a really quiet place at Zonqor (in Marsascala). The water was really clear and very cool and there was no one but us so it was pretty much idyllic. At about eleven fifteen, an irrepressible urge for a Maltese ftira with fresh oil oozing out of it started haunting our poor stomachs ;so we had the brilliant idea of walking to San Tumas(another bay in Marsascala). Ever since the legendary hike (ref. earlier posts), I have become courageous in the face of such 'titanic' challenges, so the stroll in the scorching sun would have been pretty perfect had it not been for the green-eyed monster, which reared its head as soon as we started walking by those countless humungous villas which practically touch the sea! Why can't we ever learn to be happy for other people? Finally we arrived at San Tumas, bought our ftira and jumped back into the sea to cool down. We actually swam in the very tiny sandy part of the bay which usually looks like a murky little pond choked with way too much sand and seaweeds than it can handle. In fact, I had never swum there since I was a sand-castle-crazed child. But today the water was simply beautiful- crystal clear and cool and containing not too many homo sapiens- Ah the joys of early summer! After that I went home, showered, ate and collapsed on the bed and tonight just took it really easy.

It was a lovely day- a good antidote for the quiet little lonesome sad mood I had been cultivating of late. I'm not miserable, mind you, but I have been worrying about life and how I have to do something meaningful and all that. I've also been reading my sister's diary again.(I think she doesn't mind). It's the only way we communicate sometimes, and I'm perfectly aware of how similar we are, and of how she seems to anticipate my thoughts and dilemmas- she is older after all (to her dismay). We both have dreamt and still dream of becoming artists/writers of some sort and it's touching to read about that sense of failure and helplessness one feels most of the time. In any case, at least she's tried. All I've been doing is writing utter crap all of these years, or to be honest writing nothing most of the time. I wish I could write. Groan. Desiree and Andrea lectured me about having a positive attitude and about quitting being such a fearful wimp, yet I still think that most probably writing was not a feasible dream. Fullstop.

And Btw, I've listened to Early Winter by Gwen Stefani, which was actually written by Keane's pianist Tim. Oh dear me, I have such a crush on that guy! I haven't had such a crush on someone so unattainable since Batman! But Tim's so perfect he makes me want to weep. Sigh. Dream on hehe. Oh dear this blog has exceeded acceptable readable lengths. Must stop rambling and bid you farewell!

Until next time, enjoy zi sunshine!!! Take care!!!
Lizzy
xxxxx

Aimlessness

2007-06-18T14:20:00.000+02:00

This post has a pretty straightforward title. I am not in the mood to look for pretty litle metaphors. Yesterday night I came to the realization that I do not have a life. I have all the parts, but not the whole. I have my health, my family, my friends, am doing well at university, have a good summer job, have books to read, CDs to listen to, even my little abode on the worldwide web (this blog). Yet, somehow it does not seem to gel. My days are no longer empty and I'm never stuck at home unless it's my decision. However a lot of the time I find myself wishing I could actually just close myself in my own little bubble. There always seems to be something that has yet to be sorted out, if you know what I mean. (Which would be quite an achievement since I don't exactly know what I mean either.) I still feel a bit hollow most of the time. I'd mentioned it in an earlier post but the whole mad rush of exam-time and the subsequent elation at the end of the school year made me forget about it. But now the feeling is creeping back in. Do not get me wrong, I'm not spending my days moping around miserably. I'm enjoying summer and very cheerful most of the time yet I do not feel fulfilled. It's always the same problem in the end. Time and youth are rushing past yet that dull worry of not making the most of it always keeps buzzing at the back of my head.

The thing with me is that I do everything by numbers. Especially when it comes to writing. I had written a whole post about going back to it. Well I have to admit it, I have not managed yet. Yes, I have been pressed for time. However, I think the problem is that I think that just because I read the 'right' poems and the 'right' novels and the 'right' authors and listen attentively to all the lectures and do well in the exams (thank God :)), I'm going to be creative. It sounds so absurd- I am simply unable to just do something , without thinking there is a right way and a wrong way to do it. I feel I have to learn the right way before I actually start. The thing is, not everything can be done that way and maybe I have to finally admit that I do not possess the creative spark. I feel like I have so much in my mind and then when it comes to writing anything beyond this blog, I cannot even blurt out one decent sentence. It's a bit like being really sad and yet unable to shed one single tear. Suffocating. And I am not saying it to fish for heartwarming compliments. It's no big deal after all. Life is good at the moment. This last week was a shiny sunny happy one, I went out a lot and I got some good results to celebrate, for which I'm very grateful :-D. And, who knows?, maybe I'll find out I'm good at something else, like drilling irregular verbs into the minds of stoned long-legged Russians and loud-mouthed tanned Italians. The joy!

Off to the beach now. Till next time, take care and happy holidays
Lizzy
xxxx

Free as a bird...

2007-06-11T20:55:00.000+02:00

Yes! My last exam took place last Saturday morning and now I face the dazzling prospect of almost four months of freedom and rest. Thankfully I ended the exams on a positive note. Detective Story was not too hard and we were spoilt for choice as regards essay questions so I guess I should be okay. After that it was off to Valletta to drench ourselves in the glorious sunshine and float around the airconditioned shops, buying girly things such as lip glosses, lip balms, moisturisers, stuff whose existence we had almost forgotten during the exams. Ah,and I almost forgot, we had the obligatory post-exams reward of junk food- each of us ordered a McSomething at McDonald's. Saturday night was nice. Clare, Desiree, Andrea and I went to Paparazzi to eat some pizza and Banoffi (Is it really spelt like this?) pie. I also finally wore my new summer dress (I'm not sure it's the correct sartorial term) and my new flat gold shoes! It felt lovely being so girly all over again :-)! The clubs were quite lame though. Havana was okay, yet by the time we got there we were feeling like patata maxx (without having touched a drop of alcohol) and were ready to go back home.

Sunday was the day when the extent of my sweet sweet freedom hit me. The calm, the serenity, the peace with which I can plan my day. The way I can just do everything calmly and slowly, not having to worry that I have to find exactly what I feel like doing and try to squeeze it into the limited free time that I have at my disposition. In fact, on Sunday I could afford the luxury of walking to Mass at Paola (There was the Holy Communion at Fgura) in the morning. I could have caught the bus or gone in the evening. Yet, I felt like walking, and for once, nothing could stop me. These past two days have been quiet, solitary days and I enjoyed them. I really stressed myself out during these exams and I needed to wind down. Most of my friends have not yet finished their exams and the ones who have are busy with other stuff such as TEFL courses and the like. I'm looking forward to all the going out and the chattering and the laughing but a little peace and quiet never hurt anyone. In fact, in spite of all my complaints, today I actually enjoyed my lonely bus trips to Valletta to run some errands, then to University to return some books, back to Valletta to run some more errands and finally back home. Finally also, I have time to quietly enjoy reading exam-UNrelated stuff. Actually being rather green myself, I compiled a list of books we mentioned in Critical Theory that tickled my fancy and am hoping to read as much as possible. weehey!

Summer also brings with it the obligatory reality check. Rather than listening to lectures, I'll have to go back to teaching myself. Teaching English to foreigners is something most can do, I know, but it can still be a bit of a pain, especially in the scorching Maltese summer. Foreign vodka- and amore-obsessed students can also be a bit of a pain, actually more than a bit! But more about that some other time. This year I start teaching at a new school. I just hope everything will be okay, and maybe through some little miracle, I will start to actually look forward to teaching in the real world- Maltese secondary schools, that is.

With a final Good Luck to all those who have yet to finish their exams and a hope that summer 2007 is a memorable one, I shall bid you farewell and promise you that I'll try to make my blogs more interesting as the summer gets going.

Take care
Lizzy
xxxx

Truly Teutonic

2007-06-06T23:20:00.000+02:00

I come to write this blog with an air of self-satisfaction. Now self-satisfaction is not a feeling I particularly like to endorse. But I'm really happy with the way yesterday's exam went, and for once I have very few regrets. The exam in question is, as the title might have suggested to all you synonym-experts out there, a German one. A German exam made in Germany for all the poor people around the world who decide to undertake the learning of such a language upon themselves. I say this half-jokingly of course, since I believe German is simply a language like all the rest, despite the perplexed look people like to plaster across their faces whenever I tell them I actually like it. Strangely enough, this general dislike of the German language is what had attracted me to it in the first place. Until about the age of sixteen I used to think it was cool to like things that everybody else found absolutely colourless and insufferable. Hence my love affair with German, gloomy weather and a host of other unsexy things. This was obviously a misguided attempt at playing the cool detached outcast, which thankfully I have managed to gradually abandon.

The loss of my appreciation for every miserable thing others disliked meant that, midway through my first year at Junior College, I realised that German was not so awesome after all and that some attractive Romance language such as French would have suited my tastes much better. Matters were made infinitely worse by the most hopeless lecturer existent on the planet and the most ridiculously dull syllabus in matriculation certificate history. But I soldiered courageously on, and thankfully got a good grade in my A level. To cut a long story short, my passion for the strange sounding tongue had been extinguished, and it stayed so even at university. The situation did not change until around February when the combination of a couple of good lecturers and some nice poems rekindled the flame. And so now I can say I am actually, wait for this, quite HAPPY with BOTH my subjects at university. Obviously one still has to remember the third horrifying dull subject i.e Education. The mere utterance of this word seems to suck out the joy from life. Yet, poetic licence allows me to forget it exists, at least for the duration of this blog.

Returning to the original focus of this blog, the ZMP exam was not as impossible as I thought it would be and the four hours of its duration were thoughtfully punctuated by a fifteen-minute break. You see, Germans are not so heartless after all. Now I just hope I passed and got a decent grade. Should be off to study for my last exam, i.e. my optional credit, which should not be too hard. Before I leave I want to say a big thank you to all those who made my birthday a lovely day! Thanks for all the lovely things you wrote on the lovely cards and for the lovely presents :-D.

Also, I have not yet mastered the complex art of posting a link on my blog, so please look up the song "Dinner at Eight" by Rufus Wainwright. Seriously good stuff, in my musically uninformed opinion at least.

Hugs and Cookies.
Auf Wiedersehen
Lizzy
xxxx

Plinky Plonky

2007-06-02T12:08:00.000+02:00

I simply love these two words. I do not think they even exist but I found them in a live review of Keane. (Apparently the reviewer in question thought their music was plinky plonky until he went to a gig and changed his mind.) There's something that reminds me of me in those words- my clumsiness, my sometimes rather fragmented and incoherent thoughts, my inability to deliver at crucial moments and the way I simply break under pressure. Yes. Plinky Plonky. I like. Gives me a feeling of the inconsistencies of Man (as in mankind not as in the monkey-like creatures we eventually have to wind up with.)Ok I'm going too deep now. But it's what stuffing your brain/what is left of it with poetry does to you. Thinking about it, the poetry exam was a plinky plonky affair. I studied, yet two of my four essays (those with more marks btw) were fragmented poorly structured messes of simplistic English (not simple in a good way) and half-forgotten notions. Oh Whatever! I just failed to deliver. I panicked. I'll get over it, even though poetry was probably the best thing the course gave me so far and I really wanted a good grade. C'est la vie, I guess. You work hard and then break under pressure. Phonetics and Phonology and Critical Theory should be okay, though. German Grammar, ZMP (which stands for three impressively Teutonic- and odd-sounding words) and Detective Story should not be too hard and, God willing, by the ninth, I'll be a free woman.

eh and btw! Tomorrow is my birthday! Nineteen! Seems like such a huge number. Dun Gorg will be canonised tomorrow too. Ah the thi thi thi third of Ju Ju Ju June. The date simply reverberates with importance. And then it's Deborah's birthday on Monday! Happy birthday dear! Moreover, today is Tim Rice-Oxley's Birthday. He is the gorgeous pianist and songwriter from Keane. Very easy to describe him: the stuff of dreams. I'll wish him Happy Birthday too but I'm pretty sure he does not read this lol!

Btw The comments section on my last post did not seem to be working properly. There was no 'O comments' written at the end of the post. I'm quite sure no one posted a comment but if anyone did, and it didn't show, I am sorry.

Just as I was finishing this blog I got some sad news. But I do not want to blog about it. It's not blogging material and it's private, I guess. Will still publish first part of the blog though. Till next time, goodbye and take care

Liz
xxx

Bjutifulllll!

2007-05-19T19:42:00.000+02:00

I'm writing this blog at that lovely time of the evening just before it starts getting dark, just before twilight, the time of day when one's mind is bound to drift off into dreams and "abstractions", as Keats would call them. Wherefore all this meditation, I hear you asking in a mighty thunderous chorus? (there I go again, repeating myself). Well, I'm in a good mood. A very good mood. I had a wonderful day, which is not what one would expect exactly ten days before the much dreaded exams. The day started horribly enough. I woke up feeling all serene and happily sleepy, in the comforting belief that since it was Saturday morning I could just switch off the alarm and doze a little bit more to my heart's content. Yet, the recollection that I had a three-hour Education and the Law lecture gradually sunk in, and it was accompanied by a sort of collective dismay about all the little disappointments I've experienced lately. Nothing tragic or heartbreaking, mind you, but all those little things that keep letting me down. Anyways, with no time to brood and sulk, I just leapt out of bed, showered, dressed and ran out of the house. My bad mood seemed to have been somewhat shaken off and, thanks to Wendy's company, the yellow JOVI crayon and the notes on Byron, the lecture passed pretty quickly.

After lunch I tried to have an afternoon nap, in the hope that it would help me study better later. However it was more a state of half-sleep than a real nap. Which was oddly enough connected with what I was to study later. John Keats. Apparently linked to world of dreams, half-sleep and the like, I'd read. And how! I hadn't read any one of his poems, since we just started them about three weeks ago in lectures. But as soon as I started reading 'Lamia', I was truly captivated. Keats thought that Art should only be made for Art's sake, for Beauty's sake, and dear me, his poetry IS truly beautiful and not heavy in the least. At the same time, it is not flimsy and is still somehow rooted in the depth of our reality. So, you can only imagine what this did to a hopeless romantic dreamer like me. I'm not romantic in the sense of red roses and diamond rings. I'm romantic in the sense that I can sit in an average bedroom in an average house in the middle of an unremarkable village like Fgura and still get all dreamy just by seeing the curtain (very old and faded by the way) being blown inside and outside the balcony door. In times of such stress and cramming, it is heartening to be reminded that what one is studying has value beyond the exam paper (and exam grade :-s). That obviously put me in a very happy dreamy mood and I spent my break from studying drawing flowers, taking pictures of flowery cloth for my mobile wallpaper and, guess what?, listening to Hopes and Fears by Keane. And now I'm back here finishing my blog. (I had to stop to study what I planned). I hope I made you want to read Keats (please do! the world would be such a better place if we all read more poetry!). In the hopes that I did not bore you to death, I shall bid you farewell! Good Luck

Take care
Lizzy
xxxx

When will life be bloggable again?

2007-05-17T21:10:00.000+02:00

I haven't blogged for what feels like ages. So much to do, so little time. Exams are really near now, and I think I've decided to stop being afraid and just do my best. To my delight, I've discovered that studying Literature all day long is not so bad, especially compared to last semester when I was studying Linguistics all day long. This has unfortunately led me back to reconsidering changing to B.A., yet I know that this is impossible if I want to keep studying German and still have an Honours degree. Bureaucracy... Blah!

The past few days since I blogged have been relatively calm and quite productive- I kept studying though I'm still going slower than I wish to. My dear brother told me it is because I'm still learning the university way of studying... Oh well, we'll see.

Today I really have nothing much to report- seems I've lost the spark needed to make mundane life interesting and bloggable! (new word! lol!) The only reason I'm blogging is that I need a break from studying AND i need to rediscover my ability to make life bloggable (mission failed). The most exciting thing that happened to me in the past few days was my dear best friend Andrea's nineteenth birthday, on the occasion of which we had the first girls' afternoon out in ages:-D. The second most exciting thing that happened was that on Monday I officially became an irrational Keane fan by spending my hard-earned cash on a magazine just because there was an article about their cherubine-faced frontman's drug addiction in it .(please note -In my realm, money was made to be spent on clothes, travelling and kinder bueno, period.) Anyways, I read the article and spent the whole afternoon all sad and depressed. Gosh, I guess I really love those guys! Anyways, you can kind of realise, life's not exactly enthralling at the moment.

Another quite remarkable event was my attendance to the USTA (the student-teacher association) AGM. Now, this is very uncharacteristic of me, firstly it's because I'm a lazy, happily uninvolved bum and secondly it's because the Faculty of Education and the teaching profession does not exactly make my heart flutter with joy. The only reason I attended this very boring function was that two dear course-mates of mine were contesting the election for the executive, and I wanted to vote for them. There was nothing particularly wrong about the AGM but nothing particularly right either, and my heart is still not fluttering with joy. The experience ended with some stuck-up second year killjoy telling me that half my English B.Ed group will not make it to second year, a statement which was followed by much glaring on my side and a burning desire to unleash the Laguna Biotch within me. Some people really need to get a life. Thankfully, my dear friends both got elected :-D.

This particularly long (and particularly unexciting) blog has stretched till the end of my study break, and has finally come to an end. (Rejoice!) I apologize for boring you out of your wits, but i needed to ramble a bit, and even literary giants have their off-days ;p (joking, I promise!)

Till next time,
Take care,
Lizzy
xxxxxxxxxxxx

Examsss!!!

2007-05-12T20:00:00.000+02:00

I am very tempted to hire hitmen to hurt the person who dismissed my course as easy-going at the beginning of this year, but since it is my dear statistician-brother, I shall refrain from doing so. Let's just assume he was joking. Anyways, as my title subtly suggests (I've already used this phrase but I'm free to copy my genial self, I guess) the exams are very very near. They're not even round the corner anymore, they've surpassed the corner and are running to get me!!! This year, I made it a point to start studying early, which I did , admittedly with some hitches. However, here I am two weeks before the exams with barely half the material covered, and with still an assignment (in German!) to start and finish. I have no idea how I am somehow managing not to panic so much, but I have a dull feeling of foreboding which will eventually result in my losing all hope of doing well. English Literature seems as vast and labyrinthine as the winding paths of Zurrieq (ref. the legendary hike). You never even get to the end of the poem, let alone to the end of the accompanying reading you're supposed to do. And it does not help at all that some poets have absolutely no concept whatsoever of conciseness (Byron! grrr!!!)! Okay, I admit, for all my professed love of poetry, I'm not half as hardworking as I should be. Period. I should read more throughout the year and stop complaining. But then again, I'm a first-year and I spent all the first semester staring with bewilderment at this new subject called linguistics, and forgetting all the rest. Oh well, hopefully all will be okay.

To the benefit of your amusement, I'm trying hard to excavate something which is not exam-related from the recesses of my mind. However, there truly is not much. This morning I went to university for an extra lecture and, on strolling alone to the bus stop through the sleepy university, I was truly impressed by the explosion and intensity of colours in the very bright midday sunshine. I know you must be murmuring "duh!" to your computers as you read this blog, but for a person who for so many years not so long ago somehow preferred winter (don't ask), it was a somewhat delightful revelation. Were I William Wordsworth, I would have written a glorious 'Ode to the Sunny Silent University', yet being Elizabeth Galea I only managed a few poorly structured lines in a blog. (Feel free to butt in telling me they're a hidden masterpiece ;p)

Right now my sister is playing Mika's Grace Kelly for roughly the sixth time consecutively (We discover songs quite a while after they become a hit here)and this has suddenly put me in a cheerful bouncy (what kind of word is that?!) mood. I might write some lines about Goethe tonight (assignment) or else call it a day. Let's hope we all make it safely to second year. Good Luck Everybody!!!

Take care,
Lizzy
xxxxxx

Highs and Lows

2007-05-05T23:13:00.000+02:00

Saturday night and I'm inside. Thankfully it was a productive night, because I managed to finally write the majority of my Group Skills assignment, which cannot be described as anything but a shameless celebration of mediocrity and a waste of very precious time and even more precious energy. But anyways, today was a rather difficult day. My exam-oriented mood has morphed into my stress-oriented mood, and I do not seem to be handling it so well. I seem to be taking longer to cover stuff (aaaa!), I snap at my family members, I want to lock myself up in my room and listen to as much Keane and Coldplay as I can lay my hands on- the works. And I'm afraid. Sigh. I have no idea how, after all these years of sitting for exams, I still shudder at their mention. But hopefully, everything will turn out alright in the end.

This week was one of highs and lows. The highs were Tuesday (the legendary hike), Wednesday (sporting my consequent tan by wearing a white top and doing some serious work at the library), and Friday (doing some serious work at the library. full stop.) The lows were the rest of the week when my recent high levels of optimism were nowhere to be seen and the serious work was left undone. I subsequently listened to quite a lot of Sigur Ros, whom I hadn't listened to in quite a while. Sigur Ros are an Icelandic band who tick all the right boxes because they are very original AND very good. Their songs are quite long and that might put some people off but if you're looking for atmospheric, ethereal and heart-wrenchingly beautiful music they're just the thing for you. Admittedly, you have to get into the mood to listen to them but if a musically illiterate person like me can enjoy them, then I'm sure that they're not so inaccessible after all.

On Wednesday morning we finally did our School Experience presentation. Now, I do not know whether I should include this with the highs or the lows. I could have never expected the ten presentations to be so amusing and so tragic at the same time. Almost all the presentations included some kind of entertainment such as a play, a song and ,in an epic piece of wackiness, an aerobics session. Now I do not know if it is just me, but I honestly thought that at university, presentations are supposed to be a serious, formal affair, rather than a cheesy talent show. While some presentations were good, (even superbly shot in one case), most groups seemed to be thinking that their audience consisted of the pre-pubescent students they will be teaching in future rather than adult, educated teachers in the making. One group even had the audacity to perform the macarena with lyrics in Maltese!!! The lyrics transmitted the world-shattering revelation that, yes, all students are different! Wow! Impressive indeed! Call me snobbish, but it is only fair that one expects a certain level of dignity and excellence at university, which is supposed to be an institution of higher education and hence should challenge rather than insult one's intelligence! I cannot help quoting Mr. Incredible (the father in The Incredibles, in case you were wondering) : "Every day we find new ways to celebrate mediocrity " Could not have put it any better myself, I'm sure! With this, one of my favourite quotes, i will say goodbye and wish you a wonderful (albeit probably study-full) week!

Take care,
Lizzy
xxxxx

We wandered lonely as a cloud...

2007-05-02T23:48:00.000+02:00

Where do I begin? Yesterday was a day of epic proportions, and I honestly feel ill-equipped to describe it. (Long narratives/travelogues aren't my forte hehe). I went on a hike. Yes. Me. Hike. They do not usually go together. I love walking but I don't ever actually get down to doing a lot of it. I guess my friends and I are just very bad hike-organisers (for want of a better word). Or else it's just the fact that I never get down to doing 75% of what I am really keen on doing, which is an alarmingly true statement about my life history.

Anyways, Claire wanted to go on a trip to the countryside in order to take some nice pictures, and, after postponing it a couple of times (my fault again!!!), we decided to go on the 1st of May i.e. yesterday. We met at Valletta at around ten in the morning and decided to go to Zurrieq. Our destination: Wied iz-Zurrieq. Claire and I had hardly ever been to Zurrieq, let alone to Wied iz-Zurrieq, so it all looked like one big sunny adventure. Apparently, at Wied iz-Zurrieq you get the best of both worlds- sea and countryside, so off we went! At around eleven we arrived in the main square of this lovely village, got off the bus and started strolling through the quaint narrow roads in the direction of where we imagined the Wied would be. That was our problem- we imagined rather than found out or checked. Anyhow, after walking for one and a half hours, in which we only managed to come across one very ambiguously stationed signpost, we reached the ruins of an old chapel dedicated to St. Catherine of Baqqari. This is a quiet rundown little place, with white flowers scattered all over, which made me declare this as the place I want to get married in someday, but it is meaningful to our journey because it was the last sign of civilization which we passed by before getting lost. And then we got lost. It felt like we were in a movie and Zurrieq was standing in for the countryside of some vast country. The paths were endless and my continuous singing of the Beatles' "The long and winding road" must have made them seem even more endless for poor Claire. Finally we reached the sea, a feat we had thought much easier in an island as small as Malta. But we could not actually get down to the sea, as we found ourselves on cliffs. So we trudged on along the cliffs until we were scared away by three barking dogs and the oncoming end of the last flickers of hope that the Wied still actually existed.

To cut a long story short, we decided to sit and eat and take pictures on the cliffs. Then, after risking our lives looking for the Wied in what was clearly a hunter-colonized territory, we finally gave up and had the brilliant idea to bathe our tired dusty feet at Birzebbugia rather than Zurrieq. We arrived at Birzebbugia at 5.30, exactly six and a half hours after starting our adventure. You can imagine how it felt for two rather geographically-challenged young ladies to be standing clueless in the middle of a grey, hideous, deserted industrial estate in the middle of nowhere on a scorching May afternoon. It still beats me how we managed to keep walking and walking... and walking and walking till we finally caught a glimpse of good old Birzebbugia. Finally we could just put our very tired feet in the cold sea. Our noble mission was accomplished and immortalized on camera. Afterwards we bought a chocolate doughnut each and rode the bus back home.

Ah what a day! Even writing about it has tired me out (Only God knows what reading it will do to you poor souls). However it was certainly a memorable and lovely day, and the sunshine seems to have recharged me for the last month of hard work at university. Thanks Claire!!! P.S. Once more no energy to proofread, so excuse any mistakes,

Till next time,
Take care
Lizzy
xxxxx

Sunday bliss

2007-04-29T13:31:00.000+02:00

A glorious Sunday afternoon. I woke up feeling very tired this morning but as the day wore on I felt better and better, and here I am at one thirty in the afternoon beaming at the softly swishing creature (the laptop). This week has been a truly great week. I finally got rid of my German presentation, which thankfully went quite well, and I managed to get myself into some kind of exam-oriented mood. My contributions towards my noble end of faring well in my exams have gradually evolved from contemplating the patterns on my bedspread to actually writing down a considerable amount of notes. Unfortunately most of these notes display a worrying tendency to copy attractive-looking chunks of sentences and phrases rather than summarize and "put in my own words" (those magic words that all aspire to), but I'm slowly improving, hopefully. Strangely enough Phonetics and Phonology (the subject with the impressive scientific terminology to impress people with) is proving the easiest to study, which is making me feel all smug and logical and scientific. On the other hand, Poetry is another story. Studying it must be the most effective ego deflator possible. Firstly, there are all the references which refer to things I've never heard/read about. Secondly, there is the infinity of meanings and metaphors that escape me and thirdly, there is the infinity of criticism I have never read. AND fourthly, there's my glaring inability to formulate a coherent, relevant sentence about the works concerned. Yet, despite all the wounds my pride and morale endure, it never fails to leave me awed, impressed and inspired. Guess it is actually true that art raises you from the mundane to the sublime. Anyways, enough of this because I fear that I'm starting to sound pompous.

My good mood keeps astounding me. Such high levels of optimism have been hard to trace in the past few years. Maybe it's because I'm growing older (oqqow) or maybe it's because I've realised I'm too young to sulk :-D. Or maybe life is truly lovely after all. Last night was great. But as usual it is followed by the feeling that it is illegal to work on a sunny Sunday afternoon, which will inevitably be followed by a feeling of nerdy guilt. Oh well, we will see.

Have a lovely Sunday,
Lizzy
xxxxx

Dark Ages Revisited

2007-04-25T23:29:00.000+02:00

Really nice day today. Oddly enough lately I've been repeating this phrase a lot. Guess that little piece of advice that my mum used to drill into my little head- count your blessings- was not such a useless cliche after all. I seem to have started rediscovering my enthusiasm for life, and I'm grateful for this. A few days ago I dug up three Radiohead cds I had bought as a young pimply (does this word even exist?) secondary school student. Now I know you must be thinking that I must be going mad if I rediscovered my enthusiasm through a band who has made a career out of telling us all what a miserable dreary world we live in, and maybe you're right, but, i beg thee, let me explain.

I like to call my secondary school years the Dark Ages. Like most people I was awkward, had no nice clothes, was infested with pimples and black heads and was basically a human grease factory, spent the best part of every day buried underneath an unspeakably hideous uniform, longed for boys who would not even be seen dead with me and had an unwavering conviction that the whole world was intent on ruining my life. In my case, things were just that little bit worse. I don't feel like going into the reasons for this, but a look at the photos of the time should give one a fairly clear idea. I rarely ever left the house except for school and mass and by the age of sixteen had applied make up and worn heels only about three times. Yes, I know. Sad. And while I acknowledge that I could have made more of an effort to at least try to fit in, well, I had my reasons, and I guess, for an immature fourteen-year-old, they were more than valid. At the point where one must be wondering what on earth I'm rambling about, I will finally get to the point. For three years after those Dark Ages, I was happy to forget they even happened. And this is where Radiohead come in. During the Dark Ages I was absolutely obsessed with them. I identified with their bleak dreary point of view, besides the fact that they sounded good. After I entered the Junior College, I vowed I'd never be the same girl again, and accordingly I simply let those cds I'd spent so many months saving up for, gather dust.

A few days ago, my friend's boyfriend asked me to send him some Radiohead songs, and on hearing the first notes of No Surprises, tears started welling up in my eyes. (Btw No Surprises is a song about suicide- I was that emo!)However, then I found the good sense to shake myself out of the self-pitying nostalgic state I tend to repeatedly fall into and realized that it is exactly the 'silent silence' (quoting shamelessly from the song) of my early teenage years that made me who I am now, and despite the countless defects, I am quite happy. I guess sometimes one has to look back in order to go forward, and those very moments that make us cringe with shame are the moments that will give us the strength to admit our weaknesses and try to do something about them.

Oh God it has taken me forever to write this blog! But I really really had to write it, even though it is patronising and has probably bored you to death AND I took forever to come to a rather obvious conclusion. Besides, I have no energy to proofread, so excuse any mistakes.

Take care
Till next time,
Lizzy
xxxxx

Lovely day

2007-04-18T19:56:00.000+02:00

Today was unmistakeably a lovely day. There's no other way to describe it, despite the fact that I spent it locked up at home trying in vain to finish my German presentation. The presentation is about Social Problems in Germany, and I have basically managed to touch upon all the ills that trouble the place, all except for drug addiction! I just cannot find a decent website which gives me decent information about drug dependence in Germany in German. Actually I can't even find one in English! Don't all the website-makers (for want of a better word) in the world know that in Germany there is a considerable group of hardcore junkies who deserve to be acknowledged in colourful bar graphs and pie charts and line graphs and the like? The only websites I found were insufferable scientific texts choc-a-bloc with names of chemicals, hormones, cells and the like which, while highly impressive, put me in a state of boredom which verged on some sort of trance. Anyways, after polishing the rest of the presentation and postponing the drug addiction part yet again, I realised that it was high time I did something useful, so I went downstairs and resumed reading this really interesting book I got from the library about Coleridge. Usually books about literature make very slow and heavy reading but this little old book has proved to be quite stimulating and useful (hopefully!). Moreover it is thin, which at this rather stressful time of year is of great importance.

After two hours of reading and underlining and hoping I understood, I realised it was already seven o'clock and hence I called it a day, ate and sat myself here to type the blog I'd been intending to type for quite a few days. Typically I have gone completely out of point and am rambling rather aimlessly. But then again, I'm not. These last few days have been just lovely, for no particular reason, except that I've been feeling better than I had for a long time! Even an ordinary, rather unproductive day like today could not dampen my spirits. And this, for a professional moaner like me, is no mean feat. The thing is, I have decided to stop putting myself down about being so undecided and lost and start putting all my energy into the things that I love, hoping something will come out of them.

On an even more incredibly positive note, I must say I actually enjoyed the Group Skills seminar!!! The group I was in was great and some of the activities were good fun. There was the inevitable dose of bullshitting (excuse my language) and overanalysis of the simplest things and actions in a vain attempt to go deeper than the surface. However, at the end of the day we did go a bit deeper, in that we got to know each other just that little bit better, and I suppose at the end of the day that's the whole point of such seminars.

Anyways, guess that's much more than enough for today. (The problem of me boring myself keeps recurring! Dammit!) And, no, I won't be giving the details of last Saturday night! There's only so much laughing that I can allow Disirenn (;-p) and Claire to have at my expense hehe! Jokes aside, thanks for being there when I needed you!

Till next time
Take care and enjoy the sunshine
Lizzy
xxxxxxx

Cool? No, thank you.

2007-04-10T23:00:00.000+02:00

I've just been watching this TV show called virusproject and I could not have slept peacefully without expressing my disgust at its incredible presumptuousness. I guess this show purports itself to be some kind of underground subversive alternative to the mainstream stuff we usually get on Maltese tv. Well, while I appreciate the effort these guys made to try to come up with something different, what they came up with is something we have seen ad nauseaum and, to be honest, got quite tired of, on stations like mtv and mtv2. What's wrong with that, one would ask? Isn't it laudable that these people are trying to be more in tune with what's going on on foreign youth-oriented television? Perfectly so. But what is so disgusting is the self-satisfaction that oozes out of these people's every pore, when they're not even capable of being original. They break their backs trying to be cool and the result is that what they do seems forced and lacks substance.

Gianni, the "cool" presenter, speaks like he has something stuck up his derriere and I'm starting to agree with my mum in thinking that he's an incompetent big-headed jerk with not much more than fluff in his head. His guests aren't any better. They sit on the sofa, acting all laid-back and, yes, you guessed it, cool. They punctuate their singing with sounds such as "woohoo" and "yeah" to ensure that we are fully aware of their overflowing confidence and coolness. I simply couldn't bear this nightmare for one more minute. To add insult to injury Gianni proceeded to display his belching talents. Wtf? This programme is just another way to celebrate mediocrity by disguising it as edgy originality. And why the forced coolness? I was well beyond trying to be cool at least as early as my 16th birthday. I had to lock myself up in my room and listen to the entirety of Keane's Hopes and Fears, so that maybe I'd listen to something untinged by such endless pretensions and coolness and shake off this feeling of contempt. And yes, maybe Keane are sometimes a bit too naive and squeaky clean, but at least they're honest. I consciously refrained from using the phrase "be themselves" because such a phrase is often used to describe supposedly edgy shows such as virusproject. The thing is, there's a really fine line between true and genuine originality and edginess and the appearance of it. Here in Malta we must learn to hesitate before labelling anything which seems slightly different as a groundbreaking novelty.

As you might have noticed, I'm not in the best of moods. Tomorrow I wake up bright and early for the Group Skills seminar in Bahar ic-Caghaq, which for a Fgura resident qualifies as Far Far Away. P.S. a final note of thanks to my sister, who spurred me on to write this blog through her witty comments which always hit the nail right on the head.

Take care everybody,
Lizzy
xxxxx

Easter!!!

2007-04-08T18:19:00.000+02:00

Blogging has got me hooked.I just love writing and knowing that someone might read it, even if just a handful of close friends. I used to keep diaries and still do, but I always gave up on writing much in them. I just never had the patience and my own careless, inconsistent handwriting oddly enough was the thing that most got on my nerves. I seemed to be unable to keep the same handwriting for more than three lines, and that bugged me, only God knows why. Maybe it's the romantic, babyish, film-like notion of diaries with constant, flowing, slanting handwriting that I have. Could be. I can be rather superficial, as you might have noticed. (P.S.Feel free to butt in telling me how I astound you with my depth and that such superficial reasons only symbolize some deeper meaning ;p)Anyways, bottom line is I like to blog, and whether you like it or not, I'll be pouring my infinite wisdom on whichever poor soul bothers to have a look.

Today is Easter Sunday(!!!) and thankfully it was a rather idyllic day, the likes of which I hadn't had in quite a while. For the first time in ages, I did no academically related activity without feeling guilty. The weather was glorious and, in the absence of sufficient motivation to leave the house, I enjoyed it by drenching myself in the glorious (I love this word) sunshine in the balcony. Yesterday was also a great day- I almost finished my German presentation- progress didn't remain so snail-like after all- and had a wicked night out with claire. Yes, I must admit these are good days after all, and even though that feeling of emptiness still creeps up on me quite often and my irrepressible urge for dreaming of better times and better places is still, well, irrepressible, I'm slowly learning that life is not so bad after all. And that such feelings can actually be positive, in that one continuously strives for something better.

Lately I've also been thinking about going back to writing after a three year absence from the global literary stage hehehe. Jokes aside, a friend has been encouraging me to give writing a try again, after having written nothing (apart from literary criticism essays for school, of course, I'm an exemplary student ;))for three whole years. The thing is, when I was younger I had to write narratives and discursive essays for school. I enjoyed this and always put in that extra effort, something which was noticed by a few people who encouraged me to try to build on what they saw as my 'talent'. However, as I grew older, I realized that writing something remotely decent was much harder than I could've imagined and this dampened my enthusiasm and eventually destroyed it. Yet, lately I've noticed that writing is the only thing that seems to raise my morale and put me in a good mood (apart from listening to Keane, that is, haha). So maybe, just maybe, I should give it a try again. Don't get me wrong, I'm not aiming for worldwide critical acclaim (though it would be more than welcome) but maybe one day I'll get to write some articles and short stories etc etc... Blogging has been a step in that direction, and I blog everyday though I don't post everything (Some entries are just flat). But I'm a firm believer that the more you write, the better you'll do it in the end, so I'll keep bothering you poor things.

That was one long blog, and I honestly doubt anyone actually bothered to read it till the end. Yet I just had to explain the situation, since these thoughts are foremost in my head at the moment.

Hope you had a lovely Easter
Enjoy the figolli!!!!
Take care
xxxxxxx

Clueless!

2007-04-05T23:19:00.000+02:00

I've already written another blog and discarded it, cos it was just complete rubbish. Okay, it wasn't complete rubbish, (Complete rubbish can't come from such an awesome person like me, now can it?;p) but anyway it was just completely chaotic and it was confusing even for me.

Anyways, but wherefore all this confusion, I hear you ask in a mighty harmonious concerned chorus? Well, the usual problem. I feel empty. Hollow. I honestly don't have a clue where I'm headed. I don't even have a clue about where I wish I were headed. I'm that clueless. I suppose I'm a hopeless romantic and a dreamer gone wrong. Rather than working towards my dreams, I work towards trying to figure out what they are. And what's more? Every goal I figure out seems too ridiculously absurd to work towards. Dear me, I'm even a shame to all real hardcore dreamers! Oh God, I really need to get a life!

Back to reality. My current practical feasible goal is doing well in my exams, which might and might not happen. I don't have a clue (there I go again- I just love the word 'clue') since I've never yet sat for English Literature exams at the university, and therefore it's gonna be a leap into the darkness. According to my sister I should not worry, but I don't know about what I should worry according to her. Let's just hope I do well in them, since literature is by far the most stimulating part of my flawed course. At the moment prospects aren't so brilliant. The only thing I'm capable of doing towards this noble end of doing well in my exams is worry and stare at the flowery patterns on my bedsheets, in between reading some poetry and trying hard to decipher my dear sister's scribblings all over the pages.

Anyway, I' ve been writing this blog for so long that I'm now totally fed up and don't even know whether I actually got down to writing down what I initially intended to. I'll give you thrilling updates about my snail-like progress on my inhumanly long German presentation next time. And if you haven't registered it by now, I'm pretty darn disillusioned at the moment, so please excuse me if I'm being a complete pain. Take care!

Till next time,
Lizzy
xxxxxx

Mounds of ordinary stuff

2007-04-01T20:46:00.000+02:00

Today was a lovely day. The sky seemed to be beaming down on me as I stood in the balcony listening to some lovely songs (yes, I admit it, Keane again, I just can't help being in love with everything about them) and getting my daily supply of Vitamin D. I just couldn't bear myself lazing about for one more second and simply had to write something down - even if just a stupid little blog. These days are odd- bittersweet one could say. I come in contact with all these things that inspire me and fill me with a sense of infinite possibilities- poetry, music, books and the like (I've finally got down to doing some of the 'recommended reading' found in the English course catalogue). But then once the book is closed or the stereo switched off, that deafening silence comes back again and it seems that life couldn't possibly be more uninspiring. There seem to be so many beautiful things out there, yet I seem to be buried under mounds of ordinary stuff. It's like life never seems to live up to its promise. On paper I should be having the time of my life but in reality it's just all potential and no actuality. To make matters slightly worse, all my friends seem to be moving on with their lives, working towards their goals, while I'm stuck in a rut, idealizing, knowing that I want something but not knowing what it is and how to get it. Ah, life is indeed complicated! And then I see people who're going through the kind of suffering I can't even fathom and they seem to have that sparkle in the eye and that fulfilment I so desperately yearn for. And I am dumbfounded and bewildered. Maybe someday I'll get it.

Until next time
Take care and Happy holidays
Elizabeth
xxxxxx

Armchair Critic

2007-03-25T20:54:00.000+02:00

Sunday evening on the first day of Summer time. It was a very calm, peaceful day- the type that charges the batteries for the rest of the week. I spent most of the morning waking up and dozing blissfully off again, finally got up, ate something, chatted a little, had lunch and then started working. 'Work' or 'Study Time', call it what you will, today consisted of a never-ending series of grammar exercises in German - Prepositions, Verbs, Syntax- you name it and lo! a multitude of unspeakably boring drilling exercises about it rains from heaven. The thing I secretly love about these exercises is that you can do them without employing much mental effort and that means your mind can drift off to other more stimulating things. So basically I spent the best part of three hours doing my exercises while savouring all the Keane songs and live versions I could get hold of. (I'm going through a very Keaneshaped phase, if you haven't noticed). Then in the evening, I went to mass, prepared myself a nice sandwich, sorted out my clothes and now I find myself pouring out my words of wisdom in front of this softly swishing creature (I swear it does make a soft swishing sound) a.k.a. my beloved laptop.

After making you endure an insufferable sequence of totally unexciting things which I fill up my day with, I shall come to the point.

Today I dwelled a bit on stuff people do in their free time. All my friends do something artistic and wholesome, playing the piano, drama, sports and the like. But what do I do? Un bel niente. I admit I have always been a rather lazy person. I stopped playing the piano because I failed my Grade 2 exam at age 10. Grade 2!!! Can you believe it??? I simply refused to study. I never tried anything else. It sucks, but at the same time I've always found more time for reading, watching stupid shows on tv, diary writing, so on and so forth. Moreover I've developed into an expert of sorts. An expert in Armchair Criticism. You see, I delight in commenting about what people try to do- plays, songs, albums, videos. I'm always complaining about people who pretend to be this, that and the other but falter in trying to get over these endless pretensions and just doing something honest. It has become a sort of hobby, and I've started to love it. So many people today try to be indie, or alternative, or intellectual, or 'deep' when the only deep thing about them is their ambition, presumptuosness and mediocrity.

One might rightly argue that I take such a negative stance because I want to make up for my disappointment about my failure to do anything myself. This could probably be true, yet I do not hesitate to applaud good stuff either.

Maaa what a long blog. I have got on my own nerves with all this endless talk. Hope you all have a nice pre-holiday week. And please don't take me too seriously. lol.
Cheerio,
Liz
xxxxxxxx

Saturday Night In

2007-03-18T00:00:00.000+01:00

A rather mellow Saturday evening inside. Lately I seem to be experiencing some middle-age crisis, and am developing a strong inclination towards spending evenings in, solely in the company of my laptop, my mp3 player, my poetry books (yes, maybe someday I will grasp something!), my tea and my biscuits, and dreaming about having a course I do not hate, and at least a vague idea of where I'm headed.

Having said that, dreaming has proved to be a great substitute for doing, and I am by no means giving up hope, that warmest glow of all.

On that rather sentimental, but nonetheless honest note, I shall bid you farewell and wish you a happy long weekend and a joyous, albeit probably rainy:(, entry into spring.

Cheerio
Elizabeth
xxx

The sky is locked in steel.

2007-03-10T15:51:00.001+01:00

It is the middle of March, only eleven days away from spring, and the weather has finally decided to turn wintry. Go figure. However it has been a positive weekend. After my documented (or blogged?) decision last Thursday to acknowledge the deep shit I found myself in, came the inevitable sinking feeling of dismay and dull panic yesterday morning. As a result of this, after my lectures had finished, I spent four hours in the university canteen with a couple of friends, refusing to return to my lonely little abode. (Everyone is asleep in the afternoon.) Finally, I arrived and was greeted by the merry sounds of Minibugz (Ghandek toqba!!), a show with which we have all fallen hopelessly in love with. At this point I decided I did not have any energy left to do my homework for the lesson at the German circle in the evening- Lazing about in the canteen, you see, is extremely tiring. So I made the world-shattering decision to skip German for no valid reason for the first time in my nerdy existence. More importantly, I decided to sort the whole uni problem out.

I scrutinized the uni website from top to bottom, realized that life is not so bad after all, made a list of all possible options of further study and basically realized I don't have to spend a lifetime teaching. Hurray! Now I am finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel, and no, Diana, it is not a train. hehe.

This weather reminds me of when I was a child and absolutely loved and longed for such gloomy weather!!!!!! OMG I must have been totally owwemmgi! Must have been the obsession I had with Enid Blyton, English tea, and all things connected to the British Isles. I should post an entry about that some time.

Anyways, till next time, Happy Weekend
Cheerio,
Lizzy

Bored

2007-03-08T13:46:00.000+01:00

These two days I've spent at home (courtesy of reading week), have been very very useful. Not going out for two days tells you a lot about where you stand. And I must reluctantly admit, it's not a very nice place. Mostly it all relates to the career I've chosen at the end of the day, because there's nothing about it that motivates me. But somehow, accepting to myself that I'm in deep shit and not trying to defend my choices feels liberatory, and now I can actually try to do something about it, even though I don't have a clue what.

I don't really know where to go from here. Life's pretty bleak at the moment, but somehow I'm still calm and quite happy. I don't know where I got this optimism from, but I simply cannot be bothered to become a self pitying little wimp all over again.

On the positive side, I ve finally woken up from my turpor and started reading again! which for a student of English should be no big deal, but I'd been way too distracted and tired last semester. I've almost finished Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad, and simply saying that it's one of the most important 20th century novels should be enough, I guess. Shamefully I must admit I'd never heard of it before Prof. Vassallo (respect respect respect respect) mentioned it. But thankfully I've quit being too proud to admit that, to put it mildly, I'm pretty green and totally not well-read. Guess that's what good lecturers are for, to widen horizons :-)

Plus I'm listening to a lot of Keane and their music is just BJUTIFULLLL.

Till next time,
Lizzy

Reading Week

2007-03-07T10:17:00.002+01:00

As the title might subtly suggest, it's reading week. This means that all English lectures are cancelled and therefore my free time increases. Since I am a stupid moron, and have enrolled into the B. Ed course, I cannot spend this time reading literature and literary theory but have to spend it writing Education write-ups, a series of ten luvly essays which were supposed to be inspired by our ten observation sessions, which are now thankfully over. Thankfully also, I've arrived at essay number nine. Phew! Now, as you may have gathered, Educational Theory is not a subject that particularly tickles my fancy. It conjures up sad images of the scene in those civil service offices in those satires about 70's and 80's Malta. (anyone remember l-astronawta?). I don't know why I make such a horrifying connection, but I just can't help it. Maybe it's the rickety benches and chairs in our schools, maybe it's the yellow painted walls, maybe it's those grey uniforms, or the yellow maps on the walls. Or else it is those social studies books, infested with countless hideous pictures of Maltese women with hideous eighties hairstyles and hideous eighties glasses working in bleak and yes, you guessed it, hideous factories. It might also be the aroma that greets you as you pass by the toilets, or the faulty door handles. The list is endless.

But, then again, maybe it's something else. Maybe it's (some of) the teachers. I hate to admit it, but some teachers are simply domestic. Their main concerns in life include the maintenance of the parquet in their living room, the flowers for their upcoming wedding, the highlights in their hair and the colour of their curtains. Now I am not saying that I do not think of trivial things, (cos I OFTEN do), but you know what kind of people I'm talking about, and I'm sure you wouldn't like to think that they're responsible for the education of the young intellects of our beloved nation.

I'm not saying that all teachers are like that - I have had a considerable number of teachers who have inspired me in many ways. However the occurence of such inappropriate teachers among the teaching population is alarmingly high, and I guess the boring stuff that is shoved down our throats during the course at university is partly to blame. It would be hilarious, if it weren't tragic, to examine the petty details which get students an F during teaching practice. When one is expected to give attention to all these useless little things, it is almost inevitable that his/her mind goes through automatic self-dumbification. (I don't think that word even exists.) Maybe one day, I'll end up talking about parquet and curtains too.

Teachers should be a shining example of intellectual excellence to our students, and the phrase 'stupid teachers' should become an oxymoron rather than an accepted convention.

Let's hope I'll survive these four years without any nervous breakdowns, schizophrenia, or other related mental problems. And let's hope I don't dumbify even more than I have either.

Cheerio,
Elizabeth.

First blog (or No Better Ideas for a Title)

2007-03-06T01:25:00.000+01:00

Ok... I have a blog. I've always been excessively skeptic about blogs because i seriously doubt anyone actually bothers to read them. But, since I must admit I quite like reading other people's blogs, I thought I' d start one myself, so that I' d finally find a blog belonging to someone who'd actually not mind reading my blog in return.

Ok, now that is sad.

It has been a really strange winter. It's like Mother Nature couldn't even be bothered to produce a 'decent' winter and moved on immediately to spring. Nice, but nonetheless scary. More importantly, my life (My egocentrism overwhelms me!) has changed. A lot. It's mostly a series of little things. But they're big, in their own way. And finally I've found the motivation, sense and grey matter needed to decide to channel my energy into making something worthwhile out of my life, rather than simply waste time and create an Elizabeth-shaped black hole in the universe.

I know it sounds fluffy but, hey, I'm almost 19 (!!!), and still way too childish in many things (and I'm not FFCing here).

One entry gone, and what do I talk about? myself! lol. Guess nothing interests me and worries me more. Sad, but quite true of most fellow common mortals. Or so I like to think. Whatever.

Cheerio
Elizabeth.