Armchair Critic

Sunday evening on the first day of Summer time. It was a very calm, peaceful day- the type that charges the batteries for the rest of the week. I spent most of the morning waking up and dozing blissfully off again, finally got up, ate something, chatted a little, had lunch and then started working. 'Work' or 'Study Time', call it what you will, today consisted of a never-ending series of grammar exercises in German - Prepositions, Verbs, Syntax- you name it and lo! a multitude of unspeakably boring drilling exercises about it rains from heaven. The thing I secretly love about these exercises is that you can do them without employing much mental effort and that means your mind can drift off to other more stimulating things. So basically I spent the best part of three hours doing my exercises while savouring all the Keane songs and live versions I could get hold of. (I'm going through a very Keaneshaped phase, if you haven't noticed). Then in the evening, I went to mass, prepared myself a nice sandwich, sorted out my clothes and now I find myself pouring out my words of wisdom in front of this softly swishing creature (I swear it does make a soft swishing sound) a.k.a. my beloved laptop.

After making you endure an insufferable sequence of totally unexciting things which I fill up my day with, I shall come to the point.

Today I dwelled a bit on stuff people do in their free time. All my friends do something artistic and wholesome, playing the piano, drama, sports and the like. But what do I do? Un bel niente. I admit I have always been a rather lazy person. I stopped playing the piano because I failed my Grade 2 exam at age 10. Grade 2!!! Can you believe it??? I simply refused to study. I never tried anything else. It sucks, but at the same time I've always found more time for reading, watching stupid shows on tv, diary writing, so on and so forth. Moreover I've developed into an expert of sorts. An expert in Armchair Criticism. You see, I delight in commenting about what people try to do- plays, songs, albums, videos. I'm always complaining about people who pretend to be this, that and the other but falter in trying to get over these endless pretensions and just doing something honest. It has become a sort of hobby, and I've started to love it. So many people today try to be indie, or alternative, or intellectual, or 'deep' when the only deep thing about them is their ambition, presumptuosness and mediocrity.

One might rightly argue that I take such a negative stance because I want to make up for my disappointment about my failure to do anything myself. This could probably be true, yet I do not hesitate to applaud good stuff either.

Maaa what a long blog. I have got on my own nerves with all this endless talk. Hope you all have a nice pre-holiday week. And please don't take me too seriously. lol.
Cheerio,
Liz
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Saturday Night In

A rather mellow Saturday evening inside. Lately I seem to be experiencing some middle-age crisis, and am developing a strong inclination towards spending evenings in, solely in the company of my laptop, my mp3 player, my poetry books (yes, maybe someday I will grasp something!), my tea and my biscuits, and dreaming about having a course I do not hate, and at least a vague idea of where I'm headed.

Having said that, dreaming has proved to be a great substitute for doing, and I am by no means giving up hope, that warmest glow of all.

On that rather sentimental, but nonetheless honest note, I shall bid you farewell and wish you a happy long weekend and a joyous, albeit probably rainy:(, entry into spring.

Cheerio
Elizabeth
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The sky is locked in steel.

It is the middle of March, only eleven days away from spring, and the weather has finally decided to turn wintry. Go figure. However it has been a positive weekend. After my documented (or blogged?) decision last Thursday to acknowledge the deep shit I found myself in, came the inevitable sinking feeling of dismay and dull panic yesterday morning. As a result of this, after my lectures had finished, I spent four hours in the university canteen with a couple of friends, refusing to return to my lonely little abode. (Everyone is asleep in the afternoon.) Finally, I arrived and was greeted by the merry sounds of Minibugz (Ghandek toqba!!), a show with which we have all fallen hopelessly in love with. At this point I decided I did not have any energy left to do my homework for the lesson at the German circle in the evening- Lazing about in the canteen, you see, is extremely tiring. So I made the world-shattering decision to skip German for no valid reason for the first time in my nerdy existence. More importantly, I decided to sort the whole uni problem out.

I scrutinized the uni website from top to bottom, realized that life is not so bad after all, made a list of all possible options of further study and basically realized I don't have to spend a lifetime teaching. Hurray! Now I am finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel, and no, Diana, it is not a train. hehe.

This weather reminds me of when I was a child and absolutely loved and longed for such gloomy weather!!!!!! OMG I must have been totally owwemmgi! Must have been the obsession I had with Enid Blyton, English tea, and all things connected to the British Isles. I should post an entry about that some time.

Anyways, till next time, Happy Weekend
Cheerio,
Lizzy

Bored

These two days I've spent at home (courtesy of reading week), have been very very useful. Not going out for two days tells you a lot about where you stand. And I must reluctantly admit, it's not a very nice place. Mostly it all relates to the career I've chosen at the end of the day, because there's nothing about it that motivates me. But somehow, accepting to myself that I'm in deep shit and not trying to defend my choices feels liberatory, and now I can actually try to do something about it, even though I don't have a clue what.

I don't really know where to go from here. Life's pretty bleak at the moment, but somehow I'm still calm and quite happy. I don't know where I got this optimism from, but I simply cannot be bothered to become a self pitying little wimp all over again.

On the positive side, I ve finally woken up from my turpor and started reading again! which for a student of English should be no big deal, but I'd been way too distracted and tired last semester. I've almost finished Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad, and simply saying that it's one of the most important 20th century novels should be enough, I guess. Shamefully I must admit I'd never heard of it before Prof. Vassallo (respect respect respect respect) mentioned it. But thankfully I've quit being too proud to admit that, to put it mildly, I'm pretty green and totally not well-read. Guess that's what good lecturers are for, to widen horizons :-)

Plus I'm listening to a lot of Keane and their music is just BJUTIFULLLL.

Till next time,
Lizzy

Reading Week

As the title might subtly suggest, it's reading week. This means that all English lectures are cancelled and therefore my free time increases. Since I am a stupid moron, and have enrolled into the B. Ed course, I cannot spend this time reading literature and literary theory but have to spend it writing Education write-ups, a series of ten luvly essays which were supposed to be inspired by our ten observation sessions, which are now thankfully over. Thankfully also, I've arrived at essay number nine. Phew! Now, as you may have gathered, Educational Theory is not a subject that particularly tickles my fancy. It conjures up sad images of the scene in those civil service offices in those satires about 70's and 80's Malta. (anyone remember l-astronawta?). I don't know why I make such a horrifying connection, but I just can't help it. Maybe it's the rickety benches and chairs in our schools, maybe it's the yellow painted walls, maybe it's those grey uniforms, or the yellow maps on the walls. Or else it is those social studies books, infested with countless hideous pictures of Maltese women with hideous eighties hairstyles and hideous eighties glasses working in bleak and yes, you guessed it, hideous factories. It might also be the aroma that greets you as you pass by the toilets, or the faulty door handles. The list is endless.

But, then again, maybe it's something else. Maybe it's (some of) the teachers. I hate to admit it, but some teachers are simply domestic. Their main concerns in life include the maintenance of the parquet in their living room, the flowers for their upcoming wedding, the highlights in their hair and the colour of their curtains. Now I am not saying that I do not think of trivial things, (cos I OFTEN do), but you know what kind of people I'm talking about, and I'm sure you wouldn't like to think that they're responsible for the education of the young intellects of our beloved nation.

I'm not saying that all teachers are like that - I have had a considerable number of teachers who have inspired me in many ways. However the occurence of such inappropriate teachers among the teaching population is alarmingly high, and I guess the boring stuff that is shoved down our throats during the course at university is partly to blame. It would be hilarious, if it weren't tragic, to examine the petty details which get students an F during teaching practice. When one is expected to give attention to all these useless little things, it is almost inevitable that his/her mind goes through automatic self-dumbification. (I don't think that word even exists.) Maybe one day, I'll end up talking about parquet and curtains too.

Teachers should be a shining example of intellectual excellence to our students, and the phrase 'stupid teachers' should become an oxymoron rather than an accepted convention.

Let's hope I'll survive these four years without any nervous breakdowns, schizophrenia, or other related mental problems. And let's hope I don't dumbify even more than I have either.

Cheerio,
Elizabeth.

First blog (or No Better Ideas for a Title)

Ok... I have a blog. I've always been excessively skeptic about blogs because i seriously doubt anyone actually bothers to read them. But, since I must admit I quite like reading other people's blogs, I thought I' d start one myself, so that I' d finally find a blog belonging to someone who'd actually not mind reading my blog in return.

Ok, now that is sad.

It has been a really strange winter. It's like Mother Nature couldn't even be bothered to produce a 'decent' winter and moved on immediately to spring. Nice, but nonetheless scary. More importantly, my life (My egocentrism overwhelms me!) has changed. A lot. It's mostly a series of little things. But they're big, in their own way. And finally I've found the motivation, sense and grey matter needed to decide to channel my energy into making something worthwhile out of my life, rather than simply waste time and create an Elizabeth-shaped black hole in the universe.

I know it sounds fluffy but, hey, I'm almost 19 (!!!), and still way too childish in many things (and I'm not FFCing here).

One entry gone, and what do I talk about? myself! lol. Guess nothing interests me and worries me more. Sad, but quite true of most fellow common mortals. Or so I like to think. Whatever.

Cheerio
Elizabeth.